This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

My Sestina

Author: painofthanatos
Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684 /571 /86
Words: 550
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1227
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 3220


I don't know if you guys know what a sestina is, but here is my attempt. i know it's horrible, but make me feel a little better, lol. Although I'd like honest feed back. Sorry that again there is no happy theme. thank you :)

My Sestina

Her sleep is disrupted as she slams off the alarm clock
She pushes her way out of the bathroom shooing away the newborn puppies
In a frenzied hurry she heads out the door with a package of pop-tarts
Moments later she is at the bus stop, resting below the weeping willow
As she catches her breath she checks her hair in her compact mirror
The gum she had in her mouth as she slept is grossly stale. She puts it in a tissue.

She steps on the bus and throws into a trash the used tissue
As she takes a seat she wonders if she merely pressed the sleep button on her alarm clock.
Absent-mindedly she watches the boy in the blue shirt in the bus driver’s mirror.
She curses as the bus pulls up at the school remembering that she forgot to feed her puppies.
Before first period she remembers she has homework and writes a sloppy poem on the ‘essence of the weeping willow’
But while scavenging through her backpack for a pen she crushed the pop tarts.

At lunch she sits alone and munches silently on her broken pop tarts
A student is weeping in the cafeteria and she makes sure to find them a tissue
She walks into English class as her peers rip her piece apart on the weeping willow
She wonders how someone got an “A” in art for a smashed alarm clock
Borrowing a cell phone from a friend she asks her mom to care for the puppies
In the bathroom she rushes into a stall as the ‘popular girls’ fix their make-up in the mirror

After they leave she stares intently; hating the person staring at her in the mirror
She rushes back into the stall to throw up her pop tarts
She tries to push her way through the day still worrying about her puppies
Through out class she makes pictures from a torn up tissue
She jumps awake in 5th when someone’s phone sounds like her alarm clock
She runs all the way home below charcoal clouds never even stopping to look at her beloved weeping willow

The rain begins to fall like tears from the branches of the weeping willow
She wonders what kind of cruel person would buy someone who hates their reflection a mirror
Laughing to herself she walks into her room and turns of the alarm clock
She looks at the shopping list on the fridge and adds ‘pop tarts’
After doing a checklist of the house she adds ‘cheese’ and ‘tissues’
Looking at the clock she reminds herself that soon she will need to feed the puppies

At her ankles she feels the slight nip of four hungry puppies
She feels within her heart the sorrow of the lonely weeping willow
She wipes away the running mascara with a tissue
Without a sound she stares at her naked reflection in the mirror
She blames her weight on one too many pop tarts
In the silence of her room begins the *beep* *beep* *beep* of the alarm clock

She ignores the alarm clock and the crying puppies
She doesn’t care about the pop tarts or the weeping willow
She breaks the mirror and stifles the blood with a tissue

Submitted on 2004-12-07 18:37:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I'm not sure what a sestina is, but what you wrote was amazing. everything in there had a meaning and the fact that everything around her brings back memories, was powerful. I really love your writing, it's imagry is perfect, please keep writting.
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah, I'm not really sure what a sestine is either but..You're piece was really original.You really brought out this girls feelings. You used some really random thoughts in it like..cheese and ..pop tarts. I really like that about you though, your style.

| Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by DreamInColour07 | [ Reply to This ]
  yeah, i don't know what a sestina is either, could you explain that to me?I liked what you wrote as well...I agree with bleedbroken, the only word I can think of is amazing, but even that doesn't begin to cover it...I feel like I know that girl...[censored], I think I am that'll have ti think about that...Anyway I liked this alot, another 4 ,my favs list.
| Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
  "...i can see god's unborn son
playing with a loaded gun
for our sins, he died for us
or did somebody lie to us?"

i wouldnt have anything better to say to you than that. seems like you've been deceived many a great deal of times, hope it all gets better. good job btw.
| Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by serpentarius | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?