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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Picture Perfectdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rounin
    ASL Info:    17/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 122/113/21
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 1194
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1110



    Description:
       This is my fear.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPicture Perfectdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Encased in this portrait
    faded and peeling
    Eyes have lost
    the sign of unsealing.

    Once lively,
    now they're encrusted in place
    doomed to stare
    into a mirrored face.

    Ancient lamps
    their glow disperse
    through the hall of ancestors
    that holds the curse.

    Haunting control and
    disgusting perfection
    have taken away
    her imperfect reflection.

    She tumbled away
    she could not reconsider;
    the force of tradition
    had kept her so bitter.

    One brutal attempt
    to escape the past
    flung her back to conforming;
    she would be the last.

    The family of stone
    isn't just in her mind
    They've torn her heart back
    to be ever confined.

    And here she still dwells,
    forced into submission
    and distantly recalls
    her dearest ambitions.

    One horrified tear
    the last one to fall
    the last sign of life
    in this perfect hall.




    Submitted on 2004-12-08 10:15:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this more every time I read it. I actually don't like the start and the first stanzas at all to be honest. But after:
    "Haunting control and
    disgusting perfection <(Loved this btw)
    have taken away
    her imperfect reflection."

    It almost has no flaws in my mind whatsoever. The ending is FANTASTIC, an amazing finish and such a vividly painted portrait of the vision you are trying to show.

    "One brutal attempt
    to escape the past
    flung her back to conforming;
    she would be the last."

    Didn't like this parts flow at all though. I like the concept, just not the wording. I think you could fix it to fit in with the rest a lot better if you tried.

    Other than that...wow definitely one of my favorite pieces I've ever read. I don't know if it would be if I didn't understand it so well, but it is...so deal with it ;)
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by majinkenshinamv | [ Reply to This ]
      excellent write. (sure that's a cheesy comment but it's completley honest) This one had me invisioning a V.C Andrews novel. In her novels the families were always of some type of blue blood with the ancestor pictures hanging on halls protraying only what they wanted, never the truth that is behind the oil on the canvas.
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, great poem. aside from the changing tenses, this is well-written and organized. i like the idea behind the piece; it's unique, yet it's something that i think most of us can (deep down) relate to on some level. you kept the word choice rather simple, and i think that was a bit detrimental to the imagery. however, this poem is, overall, a great piece. good job, and keep on writing! looking forward to reading more.
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by dark_and_dreary | [ Reply to This ]


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