chivalry is dead by deadndreaming

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Submission Name: chivalry is dead dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	deadndreaming
Elite Ratio:	6.75 - 1352/1256/78
Words:	113

Class/Type:	Poetry/Satire
Total Views:	1668
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	835

Description:
This is not at all to say that this applies to everyone. No disrespect to anyone here, just simple silly observations. I respect all people, men and women, and whether they like it or not, I do still use the manners I was taught as a child. I don't see others doing the same, at least not as much as in the past, so it made me wonder why...(remember, this is satirical. The characters involved are pretty narrow, k?)

chivalry is dead dots

-------------------------------------------

She said 'chivalry is dead'
and I goes 'yeah, and you killed it'

She’s like 'what do you mean?'
And I’m all 'how can you expect respect,
when you shake your ass like that?

Why should I hold the door for you
when you pass through
without so much as a smile or nod?

You erase the lines
(curves)
that separate us,
distinguish us,
becoming us,

wearing our clothes,
walking in our shoes,
ranting about how useless we are,

bragging about how you don’t need us,
using language
that makes me blush.'

She’s all 'fuck you!'
I’m like, 'all-righty then'

Submitted on 2004-12-08 11:05:32 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  now that is a MFn poem. word up brother. I love the straight forward zero mystery element to this.

You write relevent stuff like this and people will just love you man cause you tell it...ya know? At least thats my opinion. I love reading stuff like this whether I agree with the artists point of view or not.

Honesty is like a bright light in this world of lies and deciet. Most of us are drawn to it and we dont even know why.

Great work man.
Thoroughly enjoyed it.

KAM
| Posted on 2009-07-12 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
  You're a talented and unique guy. I just finished reading your addition to the journal and although this is older stuff the same distinct voice comes through. This is so cute that I just bet the reason you don't come around here so often is because you have a rollerdex full of girls numbers (i tried to spell rollerdex two different ways but apparently I just don't make the grade)

I did feel that your light phrasing was perhaps too light so that in the middle section I found the change in tone somewhat jarring. Still I like this and am looking forward to seeing what other gems you may have.

DB
| Posted on 2009-03-18 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  This is great. So true and so funny at the same time. Fortunately, I know a couple of guys who do hold the door open for me. But then, I'm not like the girl in the poem. Anyway, nice job!
| Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, satire with actual meaning behind it...on here?!?!?! wow. seriously sword slinger, this is awesome. humor, intelligence, morality, and plain ol' common sense all here, and i love the way it's written, in a kind of spastic story style...daddy like.
| Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
  This is sad, but true. Too many women say they want a man to be a gentleman, yet they flaunt thier independence. They wish for charm and romance, but scoff at the rose as it's handed to them. I see it all the time, and unfortunately, it gives those of us that truly do wish for such things a bad name as well.

Great write, very easy to understand and comprehend. It kept my attention til the end.

I also love the way you have the dialogue between the two. It's different, yummy even!

I look forward to reading more of your work!

*hugs a plenty*
SouthrnQT
| Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm.

I thought I commented on this already.
Maybe I did, and couldn't find it or something.

But let me say, this is a work of genius.

Because it is completely...

COMPLETELY

true.

Karma. It's horrible.
| Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by poetofthenight | [ Reply to This ]
  well i came on over in a pretty sad mood to get a quick fix...low and behold i see a post that i cant seem to shake the feeling that i need to read at this moment...

you never let me down precious david!

satire is perfect for this work...as she is THE MOST stubborn hypocritical female ever...but chivarly is indeed dead for those ladies that DO smile and nod in the direction of the man holding the door.

(since there are still the stubborn few that let it fall)

makes a gal wonder ya know...

thanks as always for the read!
-Nikki
| Posted on 2005-05-15 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
  THAT SHIT WAS So cool! I lIKED IT ! It's IT IS too funny ! This was a great piece of satirical writing. AWESOME!

HEAVY KNOWLEDGE
| Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by heavy knowledge | [ Reply to This ]
  Ha ha ha...
I really like this.
Its been a while since I read a poem that both made me laugh and think at the same time.

You have an effective opening line, and the simple style of this poem together with a clever concept really blew me away.

I'm definitely looking forward to reading more of your work.

My favourite line-
using language
that makes me blush
hahaha...
good work and thanks for the read.
| Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
  Had to scroll down a long way to get to this box :)

Ive not read anything of yours yet, this poem being my first..It stood out on your page, and curiousity called - who was I to refuse? :)

And I will only be adding my appreciative adjectives and laugh-out-louds to a long list - but I have to say, this was incredibly enjoyable to read :) Very funny, very sarcastic - and yet very accurate, and sadly true.....

The way you frame the dialogue gives a perfect image of the characters... the 'I goes' alone is such a vivid snapshot - maybe because I live in the UK, and this kind of talk can frequently be heard...Anyway. However laconic the English language is, its still hard to give away a person in two words - and yet there you are, accomplishing it with ease :)

Subject matter: Im not a fan of this word, but no other seems to fit - perfect. You took a subject that is very relevant at the moment, with all the magazines I see screaming 'Romance is dead, get your last dose from grandmother's stories' in full technicolour glory - and men and women drifting further and further apart on the issue...

And speaking of magazines - "You erase the lines
(curves)
that separate us,
distinguish us,
becoming us," - I saw a little dig at the obsession with self-image here....women losing their curves, historically associated with feminity, sexuality and sensuality...women obsessing about small, boyish hips and washboard stomachs...overdoing the 'healthy body' thing....

All in all, this was a wonderful little dart at humanity's misunderstood beliefs - and I agree with you one hundred percent.

Well, okay, maybe 99.9 percent :). Not too sure about the ass-shaking - that aside, this is great!

All the best,

Katia
| Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, after sifting through another 100+ poems in what seems as many hours-(though it was only about 12 hours)and commenting on 12 of them, and getting defensive retorts from 2 of the 12, nothing from 5 of them and getting only 4 comments on the only poem i submitted in March-even though I made over 60 comments after taking about 12-15 days off-this was fun, witty, insightful, wry, satirical social commentary however tongue-in-cheek.
No one could take offense, and just look at the bevy of comments you have for either side.

I think people more or less get treated the way they treat others, and receive what they expect,-it's just that sometimes those that are the donors, often feel reluctant to compromise their values, their traditions when the intended recipient has a capital A attitude.
I liked the common sorta street-talk here, -and most of those fvck-you !" attitudes probably think "chivalry" is a good Scottish Whiskey.

Or a regiment of soldiers on horseback.

Thanks
Sally
| Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  Im so glad i decided to not pick the most recent peice to comment on ..and just click on what screamed at me ....After reading this though ...I can't wait to sink myself into the rest of them ...
Id like to make a ton of comments on the technical side of this ..unfortunatly ..Im not that smart...I can call it how i see it ..and say that it flowed nicely for me ...and it said everything it needed too ...
Now for the good stuff ;o) ...How right you are !....So many times i hear people arguing and fighting about nothing ...
My sister and her husband do it so often that most the time i have to shut off before i jump the table and bang their heads together ...I think my four years in the life sucking abusive relationship taught me a lifetime of lessons ...So now when i hear her say "You wouldnt know how to be romantic..You never bring me flowers!!!" ...I let out a little laugh ..and think "Why would he" ...Its very much a 50 50 thing ...romance is easy to create when you get something back ...When you know it doesnt go unnoticed ...How can you treat someone as one thing ..when they act the complete opposite ...I guess ive learn to be independent and i can even crawl under my car everynow and then and open my own doors ...But that old fashioned romantic lingers within ...and is standing on a soap box cheering for your honesty ...Im sorry for rambling ...This is just a topic i have alot of opinion about *giggle*
Much love and Blessed Be
| Posted on 2005-04-02 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
  Ha!I loved it!There's not much left to say, by the looks of it, I'm the last to make it here, But it was hilarious, I liked the line,
'using language
that makes me blush'...
really nice...I had to tell ya' I liked this though, and give ya' a pat on the back:pat:...
Nice job!
-camoflage
| Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
  well there are many grammer errors and it dosen't flow verry well. But I like the idea, you should try to rewrite it and try to make it flow a little better. Random face for you.
| Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by Rail | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought that this was a great piece - too many gals out there who don't act like someone you should respect, but get angry at you if you don't. I know lots of boys who are gentlemen but on the other hand, I know enough other ones that I forget sometimes. There was once at my youth group that one of the guys held the door open for me but I was standing there, not thinking about it, waiting fo rhim to go thorugh because they always do somehow, and he just kept standing there - it was like two minutes, and he's smiling at me, and finally I go, "duh! you're waiting for me!" and I went through and we had a good laugh - but, sometimes they'll let it close on your face.
And then there's this good friend of mine who is the best gentleman I've ever met, and I was teasing him one night, I was driving and I opened his door for him and whatnot, and another door as we were going inside a building, and I was just going to go through the next one (you push it and there's this big bar you can hold on to) and he grabbed the bar so he could open it for me, but I didn't know so I just ran into it with my whole body instead. Misguided boy, that Luke. Anyways, sorry for writing a book here, you definitely got the point across. ;) Good write.

~ Kayla
| Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
  Well done, and the only people that could conceivably be offended are the exact offenders who WHOULD be offended. I have at least one super feminist friend who would completely not understand this, and be genuinely upset by it. The same friend that was offended by the SATIRE of sexism in "Anchorman".

I, personally, still open doors, etc... but I cringe when I hear a woman say chivalry is dead... and you've explained why to a 'T'.
| Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
  I could read your poems all day. keep writing them. they just might get me inspired. good writing generally does. have been writing alot of crap lately. have to get with it. I really like the reality of this poem and I can see frustration and your ability to laugh at it. wonderful piece. pardon the pun.
| Posted on 2004-12-25 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
  The dialogue is great. Very amusing. Great use of slang to get your point across, as well. And I must say I wholeheartedly agree with you. Don't get me started on the girls that demand equality and then get pissed at guys for treating them like equals. Or the ones who dress provocatively and then wonder "why don't they like me for my mind?"
sheesh.
| Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
  "And she's all- and I'm lyke" works for thys piece well- I think you could have done without the description- it's almost lyke you're apologizing in advance for telling the truth- don't do that... ~#6-
| Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
  Did I write thys? Stop stealing my dreams! Lolfull! You’re right- thys IS right upmy ally- tru to from my fiend- tru to lyfe… Good on ya! I made my grrrl read thys and said “See- see! Can’t arguee that- can you- CAN YOU!” And then I put on a white tank top, pulled a bber from the fridge and beat her senseless… No just kidding… maybe. I’m off to post and see if I can’t get some fluff… Later dudge!
| Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
  ha... i love the story telling quality to this... sounds like the kinda ramble my dad would be telling me at 3am after 10 too many beers... but i quite see your point... chilvary is dead... but do you mean to sound like its fine for her to fvck you at the end... coz thats how it kinda sounds but im not sure if thats where you actually were going with your 'all righty then' statement but yeah... dead funny write!
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  ok, the last line still looks kinda kooky to me. Saying "all-righty then" is kind of like saying, "ok, sure you can [censored] me", and I don't know if that's what you're going for here. I can see how it could help a little with the satiricalness of it all, but it still seems an odd thing to say.

Otherwise, the new layout is pretty cool. I don't know that I like "I goes" very much, it sounds ok, but it kind of distracted me because you never hear anyone talk like that very often (or at least where I live). Overall, not a bad edit, but I think I liked the first version better. But if you think it's good, than you keep it.
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]
  I don't know if I like the indented version any better than the quote marks version. Either way sets a large chunk of the verse apart from the smaller part, which doesn't appeal to me for some reason. If you kept it all justified to the left margin you might do some stanza breaks, at least the last four lines should have a break from the rest. In the end, it has to be what you enjoy the most. No one's name but yours will be on as the author.
Dave
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  I really don't know what to say about the new version. I got that it was satirical. I suppose that there SHOULD be things that distinguish us.
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi Dead, I liked it in the first place I think. The quotes didn't get in my way, and I actually believe the theme is clearer and the tension is created more acutely with them. (quotes) I don't think there was a reason to change this, but that's just my perspective. Hope you don't mind my saying so. It's still good this way, though I like the first version better. I posted a sestina called "water and fire" I'd appreciate your reading it when you have time. Love to you too,
Nan
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  What are you trying to do, Dave, start WWIII? Everything you said is truthful, but Lord, will they understand. Never criticize a women's actions. It is guaranteed warfare.
On your poem - It is a blast! Well structured, somewhat humorous, very colloquial, and absolute Gospel! Women in fatigues meet the real world. A couple of "my"s could better be "our"s. And if you want a different ending, how about "No thanks!" That should cap of the sentiment.
O.K. so I liked it! But now we all will be targets as you have unleashed their fury, of which hell has not seen the like. I fear for my life.

Phil
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  Anyone can recognize a human being of character and poise, whether they're male or female. We are treated, the way we ask and act. I'm gay, but I don't hate men, I have male friends. I agree that there's a reason for having opposite sexes. When I think my emotions are too much in the way of decision, I'll ask a male friend his opinion. I don't like the way females have taken on a perpetual masculine personna. You can use it when you need to, it's ok for women to be strong. The world needs more gentlemen and gentle
women, that's all. Respect for our differences is what it's going to take. You've done great job here of showing how that has changed. Thanks for the read,
Nan
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, I like this. I'm a feminist but everything deserves to be the object of humor. I can't stand it when women (usually feminists) say that they don't need men. Well, I think we do. I've read some pretty disturbing feminist texts that want to reduce men to breeding stock. I say using the tactics used against you is stupid. I love men (not just romantically). We need each other to balance each other. It's true that lot of women act in ways that don't demand respect but expect to get it anyway. I've seen Christina Aguiliera complain about not being take seriously. This sort of reminded me of that.
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  Exactly. How can women expect respect from others if they don't respect themselves? You hit it right on the head with this. A guy has to respect any girl he's chivalrous to, and if she's all acting a fool trying too hard and not being herself because she hates who she is, than she doesn't deserve any respect from that guy. She may demand it, but that doesn't mean she should be treated with dignity and respect if she treats herself like she's horrible. And the guy shouldn't have to return the respect if there is no respect to return; she has to treat him right, too. Some chicks think that the world should be handed to them on a silver platter just because they're pretty. Uh-uh, nope, sorry. You have to be nice too.

I really liked this piece. I like the dialogue, I think it's a cute feature to the piece. It's a great satire, but you should do something with the last line, definitely, so that it hints at the satire instead of outright telling us that fault she made. Good work!
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]
  You asked about the last line. Well you could just drop it. You could leave it as is, it's strong the way you wrote it. You might also hit the middle ground, making a final reference to it, but from an oblique angle, like this,

She’s all
[censored] you!
I’m like,
Right.

What do you think?
Dave
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  Your poem rings so much truth, that many women who might read this, just might hold your poem way deep in their head, hopefully its move forward to the front. Though I confess, My g/f is old fashion. Nothing wrong with a strong mind, but can't have it all and expect men to like it. I like the poem alot.
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  HAHA...funny. I think all the quotes were a bit distacting, but it is funny and actually makes good sense. There's a topic going on in the forum right now that relates somewhat to this subject.

So, you've got the old-fashioned values, eh? I must say that as much as I like those values, I'd rather open a door for myself...lol...I'm also one of those cussing ladies...LOL

I like it alot though.
It made me chuckle.

-Kristina
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
  Bloody brilliant my friend. An excellent piece! I know I have a couple of comments here and ther towards the male side of the tree, but it makes me feel elegant when my boyfriend holds the door for me, or lets me in front of him. I'm glad to hear you can do the same.

If only our gals in the world would step it up a notch and stop acting as if they need every bad-arse thing they do to be published and shown world-wide. If only women were more respectful, perhaps like you compared, men in turn would show the same respect back.

Excellent poem, this is going to my favorites!

-Kayla
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
  brilliant! not offensive, unless the truth offend you... which, honestly it shouldnt. i love the way you said 'and im all' its very close to home. hard hitting, you know. anyway, you should explore the use of conversations in poems further, i think you could have something really great.

*wendy lee
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]
  I think I would pull all the quote marks, because so much of this dialogue is quotes.
You could use line breaks instead, like this,

She said
chivalry is dead
and I said
yeah, and you killed it

But this is only my personal preference. I'm not saying there is anything technically wrong with the way you did it.

Dave
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  i like the content of this piece because its so true. never really thought of it like that before. i mean, girls have a point but you have a few of your own as well. what you might try is arranging this as dialogue like:

she: chivalry is dead

me: and you killed it

anyhow, great write. i need to think about this more though. =]

~Blue
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
  its a good write and a good subject for debate, did equality destroy chivalry? im actually trying not to fall into a debate over the content. this poem will certainly inspire others to think on the subject.
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by sinjen | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a dynamic poem and I love the way you put it in question and answer form. It is true if we as women respected ourselves a lot more than maybe we would be respected by the men we choose. Great write!
| Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by The Black Rose | [ Reply to This ]
  I am a believer in chivalry. ITs gotten to the point where even though I know 9 out of 10 people will not say thank you when I hold the door open I do it anyway. I intend to raise my children when i have them that way. This poem is very true. I must also say quite amusing in the way it was written. I must also say that your writing intriuges me a great deal! Thank you for make me smile with your poke of fun at a true observation!-John
| Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this because it was the pure truth.

Many times I find myself saying that chivalry is dead and then I look around at some women now days and it's all about "equal rights". And you know ... I'm all for equal rights but there are just some things that women are naturally weaker then men at. Then you have those women who whine about being treated the same as men ... hello??? ... isn't that what you are fighting for?

But ... I don't blame women completely for the death of chivalry.

I have found guys my age (I'm 21) ... are (for the most part) ... gentlemen. I have come across the occasional guy who lets the door slam in my face ... but I don't think it's necessarily dead ... but then again ... I act like a lady. :)

You said it perfect when you said

You erase the lines
(curves)
that separate us,
distinguish us,
becoming us,

There is hardly a difference anymore.

Anyway, I went on way too much about that but I felt I had to comment!

I think that you put in a perfect way (satire) and your words were gentle ... not harsh ... which is maybe why feminist wouldn't take it offensively.

Thank you so much for the refreshing read!

Still
| Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by StillimCold | [ Reply to This ]
  What a blunt and truthful way to approach this. It really made me laugh at the end and also made me think of how I am doing in the manners department. Women can really be snotty! I been know to be one from time to time with out meaning to be. I loved the layout in the dialog. I adore " listening" into others like this. Great job David!
Dana
| Posted on 2004-12-29 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]

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