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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Virtue Songdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KrimsonReaper
    ASL Info:    26/M/Denver, CO
    Elite Ratio:    4.61 - 328/443/46
    Words: 495
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 609
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3205



    Description:
       I don't know about this one. I have a love-hate relationship with it. Please don't be fooled into thinking it is a religious diatribe, though, as one might assume based on the title and the first stanza. Some of these parts are passive-aggressive parodies. This is more about the unity of humanity, even in all of our differences.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVirtue Songdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me,”
         A child whispers to a cloud,
    "Faith is worthless if you’re frightened,
         And prayers at judgment aren’t allowed.”



    The man on the park bench,
    The one that we sneer at,
    With mold on his peacoat,
    Scars on his hands,
    Blood in his eyelashes—
    He talks about God
    whenever it rains.

    The girl by the river,
    The one that we leer at,
    With lice in her pigtails,
    Sores on her lips,
    A john in her insides—
    She thinks about dying
    each time that she’s paid.

    I asked them a question,
    The one that we fear as
    Too painful to ponder,
    And both agreed
    That the Eternities
    Over Oblivions
    are the dead man’s hand
    In the Old Man’s game.


    “Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me,”
         A child whispers to the sea,
    “Hope is not a weakling’s recourse;
         Though awful, it can set you free.”



    The woman on the stool,
    The one that we pity,
    With acid on her breath,
    Glass in her eyes,
    Yesterday in her spine—
    She talks about God
    whenever she’s dry.

    The boy in the palace,
    The one that we envy,
    With tears on his velvet,
    Gold in his hands,
    Tomorrow in his heart—
    He thinks about dying
    each time that he buys.

    I asked them a question,
    The one that we say we
    Never should brood upon,
    And both agreed
    That turning Destiny
    Against our Damnation
    is the Nature’s ploy
    When it wants to die.


    “Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me,”
         A child whispers to the heart,
    “Charity is the Devil’s shortcut,
         Misuse of love is not that smart.”



    The body in the tomb,
    The one that we deceived,
    With heaven in its past,
    Death in its bones,
    Rats in its abdomen—
    It talks about God
    whenever they creep.

    The fetus in the womb,
    The one that we conceived,
    With hell in its future,
    Life in its veins,
    A thumb between its lips—
    It thinks about dying
    each time that it sleeps.

    I asked them a question,
    The one that we perceived
    As awful to utter,
    And both agreed
    That being Begotten
    Just to be Forgotten
    is the saddest truth
    That a heart could reap.


    “Jesus, Jesus, sing my virtues;
         Love me, and I’ll still forsake you.”





    Submitted on 2004-03-20 15:53:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      As you suggested, this poem did speak out to me. I love the images, the woman with acid, the man with the moldy peacoat. Very desperate sounding. It's beautiful. I love the message it portrays.
    | Posted on 2004-05-05 00:00:00 | by Wonder Passing | [ Reply to This ]
      the longer i read this, the more blurred the "we" becomes...we leering, jeering, scoffing, empathizing, crying and falling together...we might be the girl by the river or the boy in the palace...our end the same through entirely different means, and our means the same through entirely different eyes...and the watcher, a child, a conductor and translator, intersecting with moments of diverse thought...
    the structure is so well laid out...the musings, the observations, the questions...humanity caught in so many stages of wonderment and solitude, alone with everyone and alive with despair, yet embedded with hope we may not get...
    this is a template of poetry, a piece that sets an example...completely unpretentious yet alive with depth and language...topics with far reaching ends that still has a completely personal and close relationship with its subjects...does not feel detached from them...excellent excellent work Aaron...

    james
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by FallenGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      I too am blown away. It's like you took all of my thoughts of relgious doubt and made them readable. Great job!
    | Posted on 2004-03-21 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Aaron, this piece is incredible, going to Faves right now!Your startling images both complement and clash with another to create a barely controlled frenzy of thoughts.The rhythm is relentless, like a locomotive -- it steams of harmony discordantly. of the grave within the cradle, of conflict within conflict--it is profoundly thought provoking --it's simply great work,
    | Posted on 2004-03-20 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      You are insanely talented, Aaron. This poem made me quite sad, because I love God, and it is a sad and true statement that God has been compromised for Sunday fashion. It is a heartbreaking portrayal of people I know...

    ~ Niphredil
    | Posted on 2004-03-20 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm equating this to standing on a stage in front of a crowd of people. mouth on microphone, tempted to scream, spitting words in a low tone, like knocking teeth too hard in a kiss.

    bench park insanity. where's my medication. this is a f u c k e d up rendition of my notion that people who believe in god have no joy. they might have happiness, but that can be rented. there are some killer killer lines in here. //It thinks about dying
    each time that it sleeps.// that being one of them. we write alike. interesting. INTERESTING.

    ghost.
    | Posted on 2004-03-20 00:00:00 | by myghostsliketotravel | [ Reply to This ]
      That being Begotten
    Just to be Forgotten
    is the saddest truth
    That a heart could reap.
    THIS IS THE BEST LINE.....loved it a lot.
    This had many dark images and got the point across about the futility we sometimes fall into. It was very stark and real.
    I see one item I feel I should point out :The one that we say we
    Never should brood upon,
    we say we....is a little off. Maybe a small adjustment?
    | Posted on 2004-03-20 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]



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