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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Needing Roots and Finding Airdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ACircuitShock
    ASL Info:    18/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 221/243/40
    Words: 253
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1003
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1703



    Description:
       This one might need a little explaining, I'm not sure. It's meant to be about searching, looking for a place to set your roots, looking for a place to breathe and finding nothing. Then finally finding it, not in a place but a person. Hopefully you guys can get that out of this. Anyway, this is my newest one in a long long time, I might be a little rusty. So, tell me what you think!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNeeding Roots and Finding Airdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Withered roots, take hold of this ground,
    Stay near to this surface - earth so easily torn.
    Intertwine with this dust, this dirt, this humanity;
    Continue in your path, so dark and morbidly drawn.

    Stay fast, you pillars, you dying sentinels,
    You crumbling custodians of all that is sacred
    To this poor pauper's heart.
    Stand straight, stand firm,
    Stab the sky with your truth;
    An unpleasant sight, but needed all the same.

    An unwavering reminder that all will fall...
    No matter how glorious it once stood.

    So why are you still standing?

    Failing fingers, grasp for this ledge,
    Find only air and wonder why.
    Reach for something, anything;
    A tangible hold to steady ones breath,
    A corporeal saftey - slipping slowly and surely into ebony
    And darkness.

    Inhale, exhale, you faltering lungs,
    Search for a breath in the eyes of others,
    Find nothing and ask why.
    Continue breathing, continue gasping on water,
    Continue trying to find this oxygen - lost to yourself so long ago.
    Search, scour, find nothing but the air of others,
    And no one wishes to share.

    Are you yet reminded of the fraility that you posess?
    You are a lost creature, a foul thing...

    And yet you live.


    Withered roots, delve deep into this soil.
    Shattered pillars, crumble safely in this strength.
    Failing fingers, grasp the outstretched hand.
    Broken lungs, breathe deep of this draft.
    She shares it with you, so why deny it?




    Submitted on 2004-12-08 16:29:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Is this a metaphor for humanity? ''This dirt, this humanity;'' It seems to me that you are reffering to mankind, asking why we are still standing? It seems to me that it is a metaphor for humanity, or at least that is the way I read it. And if it is so, you have a pretty dark view on humanity, which I myself am rather inclined to agree with. Anyway, this poem like all your work is extremely thought provoking. I have only to read the first stanza before the wheels in my mind start to turn, wondering what is beneath the turbulent sea of words. It is a finely crafted piece of work.
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by Mimevas Lemqi | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice to see a new post! Um, the need to find roots is hard to see, but it's onviously someone searching for something and finding it in a person. I liked it, but it's hard to see that you are talking about someone looking for their roots.
    | Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      hey, its been awhile, but you continue to write well nonetheless. your imagery is astounding in all that it is... your repetition greatly enhances this piece and leaves a particular impression in the reader's mind. however, one suggestion would be to go back and check your lack of apostrophes for possession and one spelling error (probably typographical, anyways). I'm glad that you are finally back to writing... keep it up... XOXO dandan
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by Dandan | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is very powerful in it's imagery. i would perhaps have slimmed it down a tad, with a little less repetition of continue, that was the only part that i thought grated, the rest of it ran sweet as a nut! Well written, i loved the first stanza, and hope that you have been sparked off to start writng if you havent in a while. I did sort of think, oh 'roots', how deep, but you totally changed what i thought as i read, there was far more depth than i was so quick to presume. im not going to say 'great write' but hopefully words to that effect...i have perused your rendition and find it most admirable...like what you do
    ellisa :)
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful. I love this kind of poetry...deep and wonderful. It's so thick and deep, I feel as if I can cut straight through it. I'm fairly new to ES but I can say you're not rustyfrom my standpoint by any means.
    I love this line:
    Stay fast, you pillars, you dying sentinels,
    You crumbling custodians of all that is sacred
    To this poor paupers heart.
    Stand straight, stand firm,
    Stab the sky with your truth;
    An unpleasant sight, but needed all the same.

    This is wonderful. I love your descriptions..."dying sentinels" and your alliteration "poor paupers". As I read it, the words seem to flow naturally and beautifully. Thanks for a great write!
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by wanderingpoet16 | [ Reply to This ]


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