Description: THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY EX BOYFRIEND AND I BROKE UP IT REALLY AFFECTED ME
More than love. -------------------------------------------
Time is all we have because our love
will never fade and if it does please
don't forget that i loved you more
than breath in my lungs and more than
wispers in the wind more than rain
on a hot summer afternoon.
Time may lead us astray but i will
always pray that your love for me
was stronger than all the miles
that came between us.We sometimes
sat there and talked
and we always said i will love you
no matter what but then you
left and said "i love you no
longer that brief delight you
have given to me is gone and all
the pleasure we shared was just a
fantasy" i cryed as though my
heart was dead "I LOVED YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF
I LOVED YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVED ME"
And now i think i am dead that i died from a
broken heart
Check your spelling, sweetheart, and keep writing all the time. Writing is not only a first draft but a second and a third, until it hums, that's when you stop. SOmetimes you don't even stop then, you keep going til it's screaming. I liked your line "I LOVED YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVED ME" It's so honest, I thnk something everyone is terrifed of.
I thought this expressed a lot of feeling. Could go from great to excellent with a little organizing of your line structures. Poetry is not only about the feeling. It also needs to be presented in a way that shows thought. I felt the pain in this piece. Making people feel the pain or laugh with you is the hard part and you got that down.
Submission Name: More than love.
