Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: just oncedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ariadne
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 99/85/26
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 943
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 601



    Description:
       this is a really slow song with heavy electric guitar and very little percussion. there a some awesome guitar crunches on the last four justs, thank you radiohead. did you get the Wizard of Oz thing, basket, storm, all I need is toto


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsjust oncedots
    -------------------------------------------


    rain drops on my head
    I can feel instead
    these rain drops on my head
    are acid

    It happened just once
    It happened just once

    I walked in the storm
    carrying my basket
    in my arms

    and it happened just once

    strangers in my bed
    heart is filled with dread
    these strangers in my bed are naked

    It happened just once
    It happened just once

    I cut his throat
    took a shower and
    grabbed my coats

    It happened just, just, just, just once.




    Submitted on 2004-12-08 20:25:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this peice sounds more like a repetitive poem... not really like a song... songs dont ryhme that much... i have never heard one that rhymed that much i should say... any way you are on your way to becoming a great writer... i thought this peice was ok but my guess is you can do way better things... cant wait to see more of your work in the future...
    *ULA~( I'm going to take a Muliki on that one)*
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by ULA | [ Reply to This ]
      so reminds me of little red riding hood (no offence intended) but as i read it thats all i could think of.
    i can hear your guitar crunches already... very cool... thank you radiohead indeed.
    i liked the acid raindrops... and the repetition of 'it happend just once' though the poem doesnt exactly indicate what it was that happened i got the distinct feeling that someones partner was cheating on them and the repetition it happened just once was their defence... over and over again...
    (gosh im in a somewhat dramatic mood today!) but yeah... this has the makings of a very chilling song...
    | Posted on 2004-12-08 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    36636

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry