[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Waking Up In New Blue Clothesdots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 998
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 525

       I really don't know what inspired this other than the fact that I love butterflies. A bamboo knee is what I call those little bulges between the segments.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWaking Up In New Blue Clothesdots

    A caterpillar rested
    upon a skinned bamboo knee.
    Among those grass trees
    with his greenness and segments,
    he considered the shoots his brothers,
    but he recalled his mother telling him
    that he'd doze in a white sleeping bag
    emerging like a switchblade knife
    revealing its edge
    in brilliant new clothes.
    When he awoke,
    he was clad in shiny blue,
    and he found a home fluttering
    among violets and ballerina tutus.

    Submitted on 2004-12-09 02:31:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i already replied to this...but damn it was fun to read again...

    i want to be a caterpillar.
    | Posted on 2011-11-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      absolutely love this description...you are so adept at visualization with beautiful adjectives and adverbs..colorful language abounds...and the simile..."emerging like a switchblade knife"

    a really intelligently woven image.

    | Posted on 2011-09-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very sweet. I love butterflies as well. It is so cute that he considered the bamboo shoots his brothers (I guess they COULD bear some sort of resemblance, couldn't they?-That's very imaginitive). And then, of course, he found another place where he fit in. The whole thing is just very darling, what with his recalling his mother's words and all. Mother was right, of course!
    | Posted on 2004-12-19 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      aww, this is soo adorable! i hate to sound pathetically girly but this is so sweet, a great start to my day, it sounds so innocent and sunny! thanks so much for posting it, really made me smile! see you
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this last night and it was a bit different. I like the changes you've made, like "blade" became "edge".
    I think it's such a sweet write, and I like how mom is there to explain his changes. I think it was inspired by the Tele-Tubby that wears a tutu. Thanks for sharing,
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked the fact that you mentioned that his mother told him he would fall into a sleep and wake up like that. That's great visuals. Butterflies are awesome. :) Really awesome write again. I like the title too. Adds a bit of personification to the piece. BIG HIG!
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really sweet poem. Which I like sometimes. One thing though, I think you left a word out of the fifth line. Check and make sure and let me know. I enjoyed the poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      Where else in nature is there such a beautiful transformation? You described it well. You know I love Theodore Roethke and this piece would make him proud.

    I found the line He considered the shoots his brothers to be confusing. Maybe you can help me with that.

    Lovely as always, my dear
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is really cool! a sweet little story about a 'pillar becoming a flutterby!

    he recalled his mother telling him
    That he'd doze in a white sleeping bag
    Emerging like a switchblade knife
    Revealing its edge
    In brilliant new clothes

    love that part! it reminded me of when we got cocoons in the mail for my kids, and we got to watch them come out of the cocoons. it was the most amazing thing i've ever seen! then we got to free them after a week or so. one of them was injured, and his buddy wouldn't fly off without him. i took them both to some flowers down the street and put them both on the flowers together... i used it as a lesson to the kids about friendship.

    this is going on my faves this morning!
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a "pretty" poem. I know your non-use of punctuation is deliberate, but would you consider a strophe break somewhere in there?
    I'm not exactly sure where the lines stop being about what his mother told him, and where they start showing his actual emergence in the new clothes.
    My best guess is that the line,
    When he awoke
    would be the first line for a second stanza.
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very different for you and i like it. almost sounds like a children's story-maybe you should develop it that way. a nice lyrical quality to it. :-)
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      your descriptions are great. very vivid and colorful. I can see it before me. the part about 'mommy' is a nice touch. there's a German childrens book about a canterpillar which your poem reminded me of.
    sweet poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      for every transformation there is a home in which we belong. even those that are one of a kind can find its place among the unique as one who fits in by not fitting in.

    good job. as always.
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this was unusual indeed i really liked it as it was progressive in it storyline not unlike the pillar to the butterfly
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Timmy S. Edgar | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting take on caterpillars and flowers, what is a skinned bamboo knee? nice touch with the mommy explaining about the change this fellow had in store, took me a few reads to get the switchblade part, then I realized i needed to pause after the word emerge, fine read
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cage written by distortedcloud
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    This written by Chelebel
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    To written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Linger written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]