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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Song Of Mended Wingsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 790
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 364



    Description:
       My Muse is back from vacation thats all I can say.
    just a short to the point piece in my eyese. Im kinda happy with this one...Damn I need to learn how to play guitar!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSong Of Mended Wingsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your eyes sing songs
    about broken wings mended

    Donít return to me
    I never asked it of you

    Itís time to fly
    So good-bye beautiful

    Donít look back
    Iíll be walking away

    Good-bye beautiful
    take your mended heart
    and fly




    Submitted on 2004-12-09 11:00:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i'd say it's simplicity is it's power. if i'm going to be honest [and you do seem to acknowledge this in your description] that this isn't your best work John. i know you have more than this in you.

    i love the first four lines.. they're the kind of lines that have an effect with their straightforwardness (is that a word?).
    this poem doesn't try to be something it isnt. but after those four lines it takes a slight turn to becoming a bit clichťd... i like how you used the wings imagery at first but the concept of these lines:
    "Itís time to fly
    So good-bye beautiful"
    .. is definitely over-used.

    if this was my poem i'd take those first few lines and work them into something bigger... leave it for a while and come back to it. but that really is your call at the end of the day =]
    hope you find some of this useful.
    | Posted on 2004-12-17 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG...beautiful...made me thing of all that comes and goes with the ease of time.
    Funny how with that time comes closure and the peace of mind to back it up...not knowing what was going through your mind...but this is what went through mine.

    Clear as a bell and pure of heart...as always ;)
    Good one and I'm glad you are happy with it...for it needs no more...it's perfect!

    Kelly
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this piece. It was really different and just so damn good. I liked the concept the best. Someone who is now 'healed' and wants you back but you say no. I think the whole 'broken' and 'wings' idea really added to the piece. I like this part the best,
    "Donít look back
    Iíll be walking away"
    Great write. This is my 900th comment and it was well deserved. Excellent.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey darlin'. This piece is so short but so sweet and full of sentiment. I really like the simplicity of this message. Reminds me of the quote, "if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours." or something to that extent. Anyhoo..much love to ya.
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice. I hear the Beatles playing "Blackbird" after reading this,
    a very kind metaphor of giving liberty to someone who has earned it,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Very sweet. I sense that the better thing for this person to do was move on. It takes a lot of strength and love to let someone continue living their life without you. It takes a big person to think more of another than themself. This was a great write. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      that was phenominal, I really liked it, it was short but packed the same punch as if it were three pages long. I think you choose the words perfectly, and the line "take your mended heart and fly" that was awesome.
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      Short and sweet and to the point, that's for sure. But In all honesty, half the poem is the picture! I reeeally like that picture. As to the piece, I feel like I've heard the metaphor of broken wings mended in a few different places, and the good-night beautiful, well, that sounds familiar too. Of it's own right, it's really good, but I would rate it low on originality. So overal, 7/10.
    | Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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