x rated by poetsoul

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Submission Name: x rated dots

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Author:	poetsoul
ASL Info:	17/f/cali
Elite Ratio:	2.47 - 109/151/32
Words:	112

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	446
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	806

Description:
i wrote this under another name...iamnota nugget...so i decided to write it under this name, cause i forgot that pasword,,,

x rated

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x rated
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it doesnt hurt anymore,
i promise.
im sick of it gentle,
i want it rough
make me scream!!
here, i'll climb on top,
i heard it goes in deeper inside.
thats what i want,
fill me, feel me.
mmmmmm the first stroke is the best.
ok,now its starting to hurt, i lied.
keep going, faster..deeper!
i find your rythm and match it,
while digging my nails into your back.
is that blood i see?
i'll losen my grip.
why did you you stop?
oh........nevermind.
the reasons running down my thigh.
that was quick....but good.
i think i'll stick to gentle

Submitted on 2004-12-09 18:22:28 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Well! It seems you got a lot of blood racing.
A good write. It had the right length not to over exploit the subject and you kept a nice flow.
2 tiny little mistakes, hardly worth mentioning as nobody else noticed, but it'd not my way.
"I find your rhythm"
I think should be "I'll find"

and this line seems to stumble a bit
"i heard it goes in deeper inside"
I think that if you deleted the "in" it would eliminate the stumble.

As for yur subject, lets just say that it's an ever learning thing.
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by arkay | [ Reply to This ]
  wow this is something. I didn't expect this even if the title was x rated. I thiught it was different and thats good.
Thanks.
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, it was just one x,but if you when any futher the poem wouldn't be as great,bravo

Is there a tease catogory,lol ooops, it definitly passion.

Well, you have awaken a few people with this one.
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  oops. it sent twice .hehe
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by sone | [ Reply to This ]
  OH golly! HA, i fricken loved this! I thought it was pretty awesome and it totally kept my attention! Great write! Its added to my fav. list!
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by sone | [ Reply to This ]
  lol- what the hell r u thinking. i like this, its different u kept me reading it thru- i thought i was only crazy one in here ; p
n-e ways great write.
-danny
| Posted on 2004-12-09 00:00:00 | by dannyshyboy | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed this. I've read it a couple of times now. The first time, I just thought it was funny... and it really is... but upon reading it a few more times, it's really sad too...

it feels so strongly like the women that I've known that felt so poorly about themselves that they were having sex for the sake of feeling something, and for the false sense of closeness with another human... "it doesnt hurt anymore, i promise."

Indeed.
| Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]

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