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    dots Submission Name: Promise medots

    Author: UNunderStood
    ASL Info:    16/f/oh
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 79/87/25
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 886
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 617

       well i wrote this to all my friends when i was very depressed and i was thinking about killing myself which they talked me out of it
    thank god!
    i love them so much i owe them my life
    please comment and tell me what you think

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPromise medots

    promise me you'll smile when i'm gone
    Promise me you'll live on
    Promise me your heart and soul
    Promise me you understand that this is my fee
    for the tole
    Promise me you love and gratitude with out no
    Promise me you will not cry when i die
    Promise me you will not ask for me to explain my
    Promise me you will not forget about me but yet
    learn from me
    Promise me you will hold and hide my secerts as
    you did long ago
    But please Don't Promise me you can let me go

    Submitted on 2004-12-10 10:54:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow awsome, its shows so much feeling, and its shows that it was a hard thing that you had to do but it was for the best. i love the last line tho.
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by lilghostyme | [ Reply to This ]
      Seems like you are into repetition today. This was okay. Kind of ordinary. I know that you can do better for I have read more of your work. This just didn't seem to have much depth to me. Sorry to cut it down. I hate talking negative. Good effort.
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Do you really need to hear them promise? I think they'd miss you more then you know. If you knew they were your friends, then you must have known you were loved...why would you do something like that [suicide] to hurt them so badly?
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      One of the things this makes me think is of the people that you leave behind, often people feel that they have to live for those who they really care about. It is more powerful with respect to your decription, perhaps you could have added in a begining and ending which explain what thoughts you'd had, then what really made you come round. Just a suggestion, let me know
    ellisa :)
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      yea, your description made it more meaningful. i really was able to grip your understanding. the idea was good, and i liked the way you ended it. however, it still seemed as if it could use some improvements, like it kinda sound forced to rhyme. like the beat was off or rather shaky. i dont know how to really explain it. also some spelling errors, but thats about it.
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by MizCandy05 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was great, well that was sorta the wrong word, it was very mood setting, I don't think you could have made this any better, you end seemed to be set apart from the rest, almost as if you wrote the poem around ther end, and that was awesome
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]

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