Description: well i wrote this to all my friends when i was very depressed and i was thinking about killing myself which they talked me out of it
i love them so much i owe them my life
please comment and tell me what you think
Promise me -------------------------------------------
promise me you'll smile when i'm gone
Promise me you'll live on
Promise me your heart and soul
Promise me you understand that this is my fee
for the tole
Promise me you love and gratitude with out no
Promise me you will not cry when i die
Promise me you will not ask for me to explain my
Promise me you will not forget about me but yet
learn from me
Promise me you will hold and hide my secerts as
you did long ago
But please Don't Promise me you can let me go
Seems like you are into repetition today. This was okay. Kind of ordinary. I know that you can do better for I have read more of your work. This just didn't seem to have much depth to me. Sorry to cut it down. I hate talking negative. Good effort.
Do you really need to hear them promise? I think they'd miss you more then you know. If you knew they were your friends, then you must have known you were loved...why would you do something like that [suicide] to hurt them so badly?
One of the things this makes me think is of the people that you leave behind, often people feel that they have to live for those who they really care about. It is more powerful with respect to your decription, perhaps you could have added in a begining and ending which explain what thoughts you'd had, then what really made you come round. Just a suggestion, let me know ellisa :)
yea, your description made it more meaningful. i really was able to grip your understanding. the idea was good, and i liked the way you ended it. however, it still seemed as if it could use some improvements, like it kinda sound forced to rhyme. like the beat was off or rather shaky. i dont know how to really explain it. also some spelling errors, but thats about it.
this was great, well that was sorta the wrong word, it was very mood setting, I don't think you could have made this any better, you end seemed to be set apart from the rest, almost as if you wrote the poem around ther end, and that was awesome