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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dying Memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JimweiZERO
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 1500/844/80
    Words: 223
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 1297
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1506



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDying Memoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I saw her dying in my arms
    And she took my breath away,
    I know I won't forget her
    But if she's beautiful today,
    I'd give my life to see her
    I'd go through hell to hear her
    I'd reach the end to feel her
    If she's beautiful today.

    Now she's gone
    All the memories I'm living
    Only now
    Do I know the love I'm giving.
    Today she's falling...
    ...she's falling.

    I hear her on a whisper
    Is she calling out my name?
    Does she want to be in my arms
    If the outcome is just the same?
    I think she'll always hate me
    I want her to escape me
    I fear she'll always die for me
    If the outcome is the same.

    Now she's gone
    All the memories will watch me
    Only now
    Do I have the scars to be free.
    Today she's falling...
    ...she's falling.

    I feel her slowly leaving
    She drains the life from me,
    Does she mean to die here?
    Does she just want sympathy?
    She thinks the world is cold without us
    She wants the world around us
    She thinks that nothing will break us
    Does she just want sympathy?

    Now she's gone
    All the memories are dying
    In my arms
    Are the scars of all the trying.
    Tonight she's falling...
    ...I'm falling.




    Submitted on 2004-12-10 15:14:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      That was incredible. I could see you, just waiting for her, wishing for her to be with you again, to be in your arms again. I love the way you keep writing
    "Today she's falling...
    ...she's falling"
    and when you put
    "Tonight she's falling...
    ...I'm falling
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there! This is just beautiful and so sad! Losing someone dear is so painful and you have a wonderful way of allowing the reader to feel the depth of your emotions through your words! I love to read your work. I haven't read one that I didn't think was just sooo good! Great write! Take care.
    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This was romantic... in an off sort of way... The characters seem undefined, and leave it to the imagination to fill in any images. But it's all so confusing... Dying... Falling... escaping, breaking... It's crazy... and yeah. Peace. -rue
    | Posted on 2005-08-15 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      Hell yeah man..this is awesome..i didnt try to put a tone/tune to this cuz its urs. And you and your band know the real tune, so yeah...i really like these lyrics..you should tell me how the tune goes for these sometime..i really like the last stanza, it sums it all up..so yeah way to go..l8r
    | Posted on 2004-12-27 00:00:00 | by medicated | [ Reply to This ]
      Are all those dedications people you know who are gone now? Sad, but a lovely song. I opened this thinking it was a poem and after reading a few lines thought it would be a great song, then I noticed it was listed as Lyrics (You think a writer would read, eh?). Well I always wonder how the melody goes with lyrics,
    maybe you can get a famous recording artist to do this one!
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      hey jimmy,
    wow i love this poem. its different. it is so... i don't know. it is similar to one of mine (which i haven't put on yet). this is so, WOW. i feel you man (i understand) keep it up and don't stop now!
    love tina
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Jim, it's been a long time huh? I see your poetry skills have leapt even further since the last time i checked on you. These are really awesome lyrics man and the whole rhyme scheme is wicked. The whole messege is really touching and honest-to-god sad. I'm wondring though, what do you mean by "beautiful" in the first stanza? Do you mean actual physical beauty or what? Just wondering. See you around man.

    Aken Sol
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by Aken Sol | [ Reply to This ]
      hey i was reading this, but then i guess the internet went away and i couldn't comment on it, and i've been like soooo busy these few weeks, and well today there's a function today to announce the winner of an essay competition the Nottingham University held, and the prize is 500 pounds, and everybody says its me, sure hope so.

    well, enough talking about me, this piece is sooo moving darn you, i love almost everything you write. this is so wonderful!! and i dont feel ashamed to say it that you almost made me cry this time. i'm listening to here without you by 3 doors down, cause i'm remembering you know who right now. why does it happen to me?

    anyways, just tell me when you get the cd i sent you.

    and why dont i see my name out there, well suppose its okay, lol, mebbe it's not too late for lyrics anyways, right?

    Zu
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      very deep... i'm talkin more like Meatloaf, Lacuna Coil, and Evanescence, to put names to it.
    it's been a while since i've gone through some good lyrics. maybe it's jus the changing of the seasons, but for some reasons, the best lyricists write better come the fall/winter turnover.
    bold and bane to the two of us

    -hybrid/richard
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by hybridmagnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      I see the name Kayla. What an excellent name.

    This piece is AMAZING. So much emotion and such a great piece. I have ONE minor detail to add, but its just a change in one line and your piece really doesnt even need it.

    Stanza five, maybe changing:
    "Does she just want sympathy?"

    To: Does she want my sympathy?

    Only because it flows better, but who cares, this is a GREAT write:O)

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      Great peice hun. I really enjoyed the style of it.

    I saw her dying in my arms
    And she took my breath away,
    I know I won't forget her
    But if she's beautiful today,
    I'd give my life to see her
    I'd go through hell to hear her
    I'd reach the end to feel her
    If she's beautiful today.

    The beginning was intense. It was in your face and let you know that this poem was going to keep you glued to the page. The whole read I was excited to read the next line. Good job yet again!
    *Amanda*
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by fortressofwords | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not sure if I got that well, but I think it's truly an original idea to write it that way. Hmm... I like the way you showed the feelings as vital as biological life and death - well thought. This gives this write some power indeed. But the best of it all - for me it's the chorus part - "...she's falling" repeated gives the poem some motion, which is truly moving and even a bit scaring. Nice one. I would give it 4/5, cause I still feel a bit monotony (is this a correct word?) - the stanzas (one after the other) are not surprising. Well done anyway.
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't think it is possible to find a bad piece by you. This piece right here made me cry. Think of all the ones I've lost. Too many, too much, too soon. It was beautifully haunting. You're in my thoughts.
    ~BCute
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      ive come to the conclusion that i dont think there has been anything to really criticize about on ur stuff. and your songs like this are especially good. i like your last stanza the most it just ends it very nicely

    Now she's gone
    All the memories are dying
    In my arms
    Are the scars of all the trying.
    Tonight she's falling...
    ...I'm falling.

    well i think thats about it for now. hope to hear from ya soon.
    bren
    | Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      this is one of the most beautiful poems i have ever read! you have a unique and original talent great write, but then, they allways are.
    peace-angie
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by poetsoul | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh man, I love this. The hurt you communicate through your words is incredible. I can feel the sadness and scorn in your thoughts and ideas and I applaud you on a great work. I love to read poetry like this- tender yet dark and wild. "In my arms
    Are the scars of all the trying.
    Tonight she's falling...
    ...I'm falling."-----my personal favorite line. Keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2004-12-10 00:00:00 | by wanderingpoet16 | [ Reply to This ]


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