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Xmas Party

Author: arkay
ASL Info:    50+/m/Atl.Can
Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 450 /320 /56
Words: 77
Class/Type: Poetry /Satire
Total Views: 1105
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 538


This will probably ring true for a few today

Xmas Party

Dancing fancy ‘pon stilted legs
shadows mingle ‘tween hazy lights.
Footfalls echo in unsteady rhythm.
Crude laughter achieving new heights,
Suggesting merriment carried too far.
Lustful wishes not kept to the self
Carolled to any who happen too close,
Boisterous abandon from santa’s elf.
Ice packs, aspirin and hair of the dog
The morrow to show a head of woe
Small price to pay for season’s fun
Not thought of now in Xmas glow.

Submitted on 2004-12-11 06:38:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  i have done a lot of crazy things while under the "influence..." this year, though, being sober and all, i will remember the night before and won't wake up with that horrible hangover the next day... last night was my first Xmas party of the season, and i got a kick out of watching everyone get a big goofy and loud... i'll be the one with the camera in the corner, documenting all the crazy behavior! haha! this was a fun albeit sometimes painful memory of past Xmas parties! thanks!
| Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  And how many times have we all been in this situation. Parties are a good excuse for doing things we would never do in a conscious state. Let alone admit to.
| Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Footfalls echo in unsteady rhythm
In this poem, you switch from past to present tense, and I didn't see the significance in you doing so. So, here I would suppose that you meant to say 'Footfalls echoed' instead of écho. Past tense instead of present tense. And since your use of footfalls is pluralistic, then rhythm, the adjective describing the sound-footfalls-should also be plural, typed as 'ryhtms'instead of rhythm.

Carolled to any who happen too close,
Well, this line bothered me much, for I could not decide its meaning. Did you mean to say who happened to close? Because if you did, then happen (or the former tense of happen), would work in this instance. Someone who happened to close would read about the same as someone who traveled, journeyed, or came too close. This is only a matter of syntax.

Other than that, I loved the language of this piece, and you taught me a new vocabulary word *smiles*. I love a challenging read, and it is not oft that I come across one. I should brush up a bit. Your vocabulary is quite grandoise, and seems to be ever expanding, but I felt also that some of the meaning of the poem was lost in some of the vocabulary used, they acting as hollow vessels of soliloquy, lacking that emotion of a more 'plainer speech'. But I wouldn't ask you to change that . That's why I read the poem. Decent write. Take Care.

"Loquacious Mind
| Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a good poem, I like your imagery because it drew a clear picture while still allowing the reader to create thier own scene. Good way to speak loosely about a hangover. Nice Job.
| Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by The Black Rose | [ Reply to This ]

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