Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Xmas Partydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: arkay
    ASL Info:    50+/m/Atl.Can
    Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 450/320/56
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 941
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 530



    Description:
       This will probably ring true for a few today


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsXmas Partydots
    -------------------------------------------



    Dancing fancy ‘pon stilted legs
    shadows mingle ‘tween hazy lights.
    Footfalls echo in unsteady rhythm.
    Crude laughter achieving new heights,
    Suggesting merriment carried too far.
    Lustful wishes not kept to the self
    Carolled to any who happen too close,
    Boisterous abandon from santa’s elf.
    Ice packs, aspirin and hair of the dog
    The morrow to show a head of woe
    Small price to pay for season’s fun
    Not thought of now in Xmas glow.





    Submitted on 2004-12-11 06:38:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i have done a lot of crazy things while under the "influence..." this year, though, being sober and all, i will remember the night before and won't wake up with that horrible hangover the next day... last night was my first Xmas party of the season, and i got a kick out of watching everyone get a big goofy and loud... i'll be the one with the camera in the corner, documenting all the crazy behavior! haha! this was a fun albeit sometimes painful memory of past Xmas parties! thanks!
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      And how many times have we all been in this situation. Parties are a good excuse for doing things we would never do in a conscious state. Let alone admit to.
    | Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Footfalls echo in unsteady rhythm
    In this poem, you switch from past to present tense, and I didn't see the significance in you doing so. So, here I would suppose that you meant to say 'Footfalls echoed' instead of écho. Past tense instead of present tense. And since your use of footfalls is pluralistic, then rhythm, the adjective describing the sound-footfalls-should also be plural, typed as 'ryhtms'instead of rhythm.

    Carolled to any who happen too close,
    Well, this line bothered me much, for I could not decide its meaning. Did you mean to say who happened to close? Because if you did, then happen (or the former tense of happen), would work in this instance. Someone who happened to close would read about the same as someone who traveled, journeyed, or came too close. This is only a matter of syntax.

    Other than that, I loved the language of this piece, and you taught me a new vocabulary word *smiles*. I love a challenging read, and it is not oft that I come across one. I should brush up a bit. Your vocabulary is quite grandoise, and seems to be ever expanding, but I felt also that some of the meaning of the poem was lost in some of the vocabulary used, they acting as hollow vessels of soliloquy, lacking that emotion of a more 'plainer speech'. But I wouldn't ask you to change that . That's why I read the poem. Decent write. Take Care.

    "Loquacious Mind
    | Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by Loquacious Mind | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem, I like your imagery because it drew a clear picture while still allowing the reader to create thier own scene. Good way to speak loosely about a hangover. Nice Job.
    | Posted on 2004-12-11 00:00:00 | by The Black Rose | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    37038

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry