[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: A Portraitdots

    Author: Jimma
    ASL Info:    22/m/Melb Aust
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 217/234/54
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 923
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 786

       Let me know what you think. Does the whole art theme work?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Portraitdots

    Her face is painted
    With rennaisance precision
    But with a beauty
    That the dark of night can't hide
    Her skin, a perfect canvas
    Coloured with millenia of experience
    I wish to add my pigment
    Of emotion to her pattern
    Her eyes inspire epic prose
    And her smile represents
    An oft sought freedom
    Her body carved from perfect marble
    A sculpted angel
    Her form, a living Venus
    Her, the most perfect display
    Of the fine art of nature
    The music of her voice
    Her words, painting one thousand pictures
    She is my artist, my sculptor, my poet
    My musician, my writer
    My painter
    She paints on the canvas of my life
    And she is all the art I need.

    Submitted on 2004-12-12 05:15:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, if someone wrote this about me I would be so overcome that I would be speechless. I am fairly illiterate and it is not about me. I agree that the the last two lines are just wonderful. What greater thing to say of someone than that they paint on the canvas of your life.
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]
      you've by all your efforts won my heart..you've painted a portrait in ur poem that i guess many well known poets failed to do during their entire lifetime or career.
    this poem has beautiful descriptions and you've painted a fine picture of ur own thoughts.
    wow i luv it
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by poetofaustralia | [ Reply to This ]
      DOES THE ART THEME WORK? Are you kidding me? I thought it was an interesting and excellent approach to the theme of this poem! And you managed to use it well! Well, maybe for the starting few bits, it seemed slightly (but only slightly) awkward for me (I thought 'pigment' was a bit out of place. or maybe it's just me.)... but after that, it just flowed really well with your poem, especially when you moved on towards this part:

    Her eyes inspire epic prose
    And her smile represents
    An oft sought freedom
    Her body carved from perfect marble
    A sculpted angel

    Really beautiful artistic description here, I think! But I have to say my favourite part was the last two lines:

    She paints on the canvas of my life
    And she is all the art I need.

    After soaring in the air with the vivid description, your poems gets down to the perfect landing. She paints on the canvas of my life, and she is all the art I need. You're a genius to come up with something like that! I love this poem... I'm going to add it to my favourites. ;)

    edit: what's with the spelling of "nite"? hehe.
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by zhi wei | [ Reply to This ]
      You are truly taken by this woman Jimma old son how i know your heart beats mate to know a love so sure sets ones heart into flight emotions levels are at thier peak ...simply wonderful emotions to experience... alway cherish this one mate she sounds like she is quite special

    Lovely imagery keep writing for her champion
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by Timmy S. Edgar | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]