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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Perfectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkness child
    ASL Info:    21/F/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 195/266/48
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Cutting or Mutilation
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 752



    Description:
       just a "what-if" type of poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPerfectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why are you so amazed,
    That I want to die?
    Watch my pain, ebb away,
    And never say good-bye.

    Why are you astonished,
    That I continue to slit my wrists,
    Even though you love me,
    The horrific pain, it still exists.

    I'm sorry I'm not perfect,
    I try so hard for you,
    But is perfection even real?
    Or is there nothing I can do?

    I thought you'd understand my wounds,
    But my sanity you've stole
    Your condemning words, echoing loudly,
    inside my empty, hollow soul,

    The blood wont stop dripping,
    Freely, I let it run,
    As I drift into nothingness dreams
    Of what I was to become.




    Submitted on 2004-12-12 12:38:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this new poem of yours. You often express a great deal of pain in your work. I hope your life isn't really so hard on you. I know what its like to try to please everybody and be miserable for it. I've learned through my experiences that the one you really need to please is yourself. Do the things you enjoy and that make you happy. Be who you want to be and enjoy the life you have. When people see that you're happy being you they often back off; as long as you're not being self destructive.
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by DarkenedSoul | [ Reply to This ]
      im assuming that cutting is something that is all but forced upon you in the stories i've heard from friends.i really liked how it seemed like it was never really your choice to start, almost as if it was a bad habit that you continued.then, you even make it seem as though its nothing strange when other people see it as that.i won't judge you because i know people who do it and sometimes you can't really think of much else to do with your problems and your let-downs and short comings.i really liked this among any other poem i've heard like it.it flowed great(not that it matters).lol. ~nahlij
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]
      The poem remionds me of something I wrote when I was in high school. It can be such a painful time for people. I like the poem. The note about being perfect, I can understand. The thing is that, no one is perfect and the ones who demand it are the least perfect of all. The rhyming is great! You are going to be a great poet as you age.

    IK
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
      This has awesome description and the deep emotion flows through it the whole way... ending up with this awesome momentum through the conclusion. I really could relate to this.... People think that just because they love you means that you will be happy. I know that it is bad not to be happy with them... but I also know that it is impossible sometimes and that there is something deeper than what they can give you. These people usually base their happiness on their current relationship status. It's really bad either way. I have been on both sides of the fence, and neither are healthy. It took me going to the counselor countless times for me to decide that it was truly up to me to change the patten. Hurting myself really helped nothing at all... it was an immideate relief that after it was done put me worse than where I was before.
    This piece brought back memories.... I got nostalgia reading this, and I would write more telling you how aweomse this was because it is.... btu my dad is yelling at me to get off the computer. Sorry!! I may check back later though.
    PEACE LOVE AND UNHEALED SCARS
    ==HILLARIE
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by falloutgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      good poem. I really liked the feeling you put into this and the way you expressed it.
    I liked the lines :

    Even though you love me,
    The horrific pain, it still exists.

    - Kinda like nothing can change the way your feeling inside yourself. You know people care for you but ..Its all in believing in yourself, and its hard for some people.

    good job.
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by sone | [ Reply to This ]
      That is a very..what's the word I'm looking for...depressing but well-written poem. I used to be a cutter myself, so I completely get that entry. I especially loved the fourth verse. I think it's great. Keep up the great writing!

    -Tiana
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by Tiana | [ Reply to This ]
      great poem the rhythm was good and i didnt see any spelling errors..heh i should talk i make more than anyone probly...so anywho great write instant fave.
    | Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by shattered_dream | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow that was great i thought u did a wonderful job. you captured my emotions throughout the whole poem...m sorry I'm not perfect,
    I try so hard for you,
    But is perfection even real?
    Or is there nothing I can do?

    I thought you'd understand my wounds,
    But my sanity you've stole
    Your condemning words, echoing loudly,
    inside my empty, hollow soul,

    The blood wont stop dripping,
    Freely, I let it run,
    As I drift into nothingness dreams
    Of what I was to become...that part really got me
    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by Yella_Bone05 | [ Reply to This ]


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