Prince of the darkness by shabnam

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Submission Name: Prince of the darkness dots

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Author:	shabnam
ASL Info:	23 f Germany
Elite Ratio:	4.35 - 322/248/45
Words:	202

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	363
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1278

Description:

Prince of the darkness dots

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Upon the arrival of the Dark Prince
The time that gives my tedious life sense.

Shadows becoming, widening their wings
Dancing like queens and kings

Time to go to the world which is more natural than reality
Where all wishes are fulfilled by necessity

A world so sorrowless
Everywhere faces joyful and eyes tearless

The mysterious and magnificent prince
Who gives my life sense

Taking me to his world of dim glory
Telling the worlds most beautiful story

Dancing together in eternity
Flying without wings, feeling free

A small but powerful gleam
Tells me to come with him and leave the world of dream

I well not, but I have to depart
The shine, pulling and tearing my world apart

Getting larger and more perilous
Forcing me to abscond a world so glorious

Opening my eyes to a world of unfamiliar shine
Knowing they have to wait for the night-time

When the sun will slowly take its last breath
Ending another day so sour
The prince will come once more
Bringing life to me and to others death

Submitted on 2004-12-13 07:42:58 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This is even better than the last one I read about fallen angels! If your work gets any better you just might have to put out a book? Well I hope you keep writting on this darker stuff your really good at it!
| Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  Ah, once again your poetry takes a walk on the dark side. I can feel your inspiration when you write on this subject. Were I able to convince you that I were this dark being I believe I could lure you into my web. Sometimes I think you are just a naughty little girl who desires to taste all the forbidden fruit in the garden. I think your work is getting better with each endeavor, keep it up! Diamond
| Posted on 2005-01-12 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
  OK! Your poem! There are some very good parts in here like:-
"Shadows becoming, widening their wings
Dancing like queens and kings"

And
"Taking me to his world of dim glory
Telling the worlds most beautiful story"

and
"Dancing together in eternity
Flying without wings, feeling free"

And some more equally as good metaphors, standing alone are great. But the subject of the poem leaves one wondering what you are suggesting. Is the Dark Prince the evil demon or your hero. Perhaps it is lost in translation, but I don't get a strong feel for what you are trying to say. At times it seems happy and sometimes sad. Maybe I am missing something important. Perhaps you could enlighten me as to what you are trying to portray through each stanza we could shed new light.
I don't mind helping someone whom I believe has potential.

All the best
arkay
| Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by arkay | [ Reply to This ]
  Oooops! Sorry! I just found something I missed last night. That's what happens when you try to do something when you are tired.
Anyway, I found this this morning, I saw it last night and meant to mention it but, well you know

"Knowing that have to wait for the night-time"

Shoud be "Knowing they have to wait for the night-time"

I will look again later/ my eyes are not focusing yet.
| Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by arkay | [ Reply to This ]
  I think you have a really good piece My only suggestion would be rethink some of your rhyme and maybe use a little more imagery as a reader and writer I pick titles that are creative -the prince of darkness what a great thought i want to read it as well i have a picture in my head You have a great idea now just write as you feel it talking to you
sandman
| Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]

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