O.O You got a looooot of comments here, as you do on all your poems, so...hahaha...accept these humble words.
It was peeeerfect to read through. I think I read this like three times cos I enjoyed the rhythm so much. Small stanzas and great images you play with! Makes me wonder...have you ever been to hell...? Haha, just kidding. You actually make it sound appeasing, and I found it frightening that it seemed like that.
I don't have any nitpicks here...oh, wait, ah-hah! I found something. Nah, it's small, just a glitch of rhyming. Dunno if anyone else noticed it, but "bone" and "won" don't really rhyme... nothing to bother about, I just can't bear to write a comment without poking around.
Nice little poem here. I really felt though that the rhyme was forced, and it takes away from the originality of the poem. I have seen Hell pictured in many ways, and this is unique to me. I personally like the staccato feel to it, makes it more interesting and enjoyable to read. It has dark energy, but it does not seem to go anywhere, idk.
Sometimes I prefer the shorter poems over longer ones, and this one is pretty good. Short, sweet, and to the point. Good write dude.
Your poem is good. The only thing is that some of your rhymes sound a little forced and take away from the meaning behind the poem. Other than that it is really good! Keep up the good work.
Hell is a difficult concept to capture, but you have done it well. Way to go. I also love the staccato feel. Your words are straight to the point, and kept me reading. Good job.
this is good..i read it through like three times, and it gets better each time, cuz i can tell which way you meant each word(well..to the point of what word you were trying to use, as in "content" like contentment, or like stuff something is made up of..heh). Out of the two poems i've read of yours, freedom seems to be a key part all the time, which is nice. Your last stanza is very powerful. Your rhyme scheme is consistent everywhere except the second-to-last stanza, so i'd consider changing the "bone"/"won" rhyme..but up to you. I think if you made that rhyme like everything else does, it wouldn't give a reader pause at that pre-last stanza wondering about the rhyme scheme so they could read your concluding stanza. Anyway, this was cool!
This poem flows well, and has a steady rhythm. Also, nice use of imagery. Like with the serpant, and the "Hall of Light". Also with the knives and the flames. I like the lines "Evil comes, to bring relief." and "Death is over freedom come chose to be here Hell is home"
this was an great peace of work i enjoyed every word of it useally i just skip around but this really cought my eyes i useally try to look at my age groups when i look a poetry so that is why i decided to look at urs
This is very dark, and if you were my parents you'd say I was devil spawn, but somehow, I can relate. I like it a lot. I actually wrote a piece somewhat similar to this. I agree with Dark_Dancer, there is a kind of fiery joy in this, a lot of energy. The short lines/stanzas are ideal for the feeling. I wouldn't change it a bit.
intersting approach to the subject of life and death i think. could be pulled together a little more, but all in all i really like the idea and the form with which you write. welcome to elite and i look forward to reading more og your work!**
Alright, well...I agree that the poem is impressive and the form, etc, but I can't bring myself to stay at all patient with this poem...It just feels so useless. So bloody useless.. There's an energy, sure, but it seems to lie there and do nothing but squirm. I don't know how to explain. Anyway, you definitely have something.
Impressive. I love the wording. The form is brilliant. I saw a person who has been lost to the darkness for so long that they now welcome it because it frees them. It is their soul, their home, their escape. Serpent scales within my breast flaming knives dissect the rest
Feel the burn worship heat walk the path with blackened feet
Spiral down in smoke and flame celebrate the way we came
These are my favorite lines. The person has been burned, and the heat of the flames is now a joy, a rebirth. I hope I got the meaning right. Great poem.
I love the ending of this poem. I do not believe it had a thing to do with death! It is more of life. The hell ones life can become and after you live in this so long it becomes all you know. I also love S7 L1-4 It fit so feel into my feelings. I don't think this poems needs much of any change. I enjoyed the read and the flow was fine. Dana
Wowsers. I kept thinking of the "staccato" sort of feel...like abrupt phrases, but it works. Very nice job with making the diction high quality while maintaining perfect rhyme. Props!
Submission Name: No Place Like Hell
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