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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dead Eyes Lingerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 515
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1150



    Description:
       I think I need a new title for this piece. Its a rough draft, though I dont know if I will revise it. I kinda like it as is, Though feel free to work up a revision if you can think of any ways of re writing the piece. And no it's not based on any real events in my life.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDead Eyes Lingerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Donít you look at me now
    with those eyes
    hiding behind dead skin
    your pale face


    Why wonít you let me move on
    I didnít put you in that grave


    Itís been two years
    and countless days
    Iím still hiding from your gaze
    Please donít look at me now


    Youíre still holding on
    Maybe I should leave this place


    No donít you look at me now
    you put yourself six feet down
    for once Iím not to blame
    youíre the one who spit in my face


    And yet you still linger here
    behind dead eyes and broken dreams


    Why did you walk away from me
    Should have held on tighter
    But you turned away
    You fell that dayÖ


    So donít you look at me now
    Donít you look at me now
    Iím not the one to blame
    Itís time to turn around


    Why did you come back to me
    Its been two years and countless days
    and Iím still holding on





    Submitted on 2004-12-13 17:44:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, upon reading it again I got the idea that the writer is a man who used to beat his wife and she tried to leave him, and either he beat her to death ('If I can't have you, no one will') or she killed herself to escape him once and for all. And he has felt guilty ever since and that's why he can't escape her gaze. Am I way off? Sorry for the run-on!
    Still don't change it.
    | Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      Is he trying to convince himself he's not to blame? Interesting how he keeps telling the dead to let go and let him move on, when really he's obviously the one who needs to do it. You did a great job of portraying one person's anger at another for dying...leaving him. I have so much I want to say about it, but I can't find the right words to say it. Either way, it's nicely done and a little spooky but sad at the same time. I think the title is perfect. It's very intriguing and a little eerie, and it fits with what the living person is feeling. Don't change it.
    | Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... it would seem that you have written of the torment that i am currently going through though for me it hasnt been two years... only 7 months...
    this really does have a tormented feel to it... like being unable to close ones eyes at night because if they do they see the cold lifeless body lying there... it really is a hellish experience. i like the way this write is written... the self justification perhaps... not looking to pin blame elsewhere but the recognition that this time it wasnt their fault... they werent the one who did it... and the whole "why dont you leave me alone... maybe its time to move on" thing is very powerful but very hard to do... and sometimes i think everywhere i go (in a moving on attempt) he is there anyways...
    im gonna stop for now but yeah... i personally wouldnt change a thing but then i am living this poem so i know the reality of it.
    | Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Kinda creepy, but I like it! It seems sad and maybe a little on the guilty conscience side. I hope this isn't really going on in your life. That would be terrible to live through. Made for a good write though. Great job, wouldn't change a thing.
    | Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by Holy Wood | [ Reply to This ]


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