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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memories Like Dandelionsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WaxingPoetic
    ASL Info:    27 ~ Louisiana
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 493/563/100
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1047
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 789



    Description:
       Comments are always welcome, just please don't mention punctuation... I'm so super bad at it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemories Like Dandelionsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'll cover my eyes as you walk away,
    Not wanting to see you for the last time
    You'll go in the direction of the Sun
    Its heat will burn up my memories of you
    They'll crumble into ash,
    And be swallowed up by the wind
    Scattered in four directions,
    Like the seeds of Dandelions

    Makes sense
    You were always the same way
    Never comfortable in one place
    Always roaming
    Always uneasy
    Always nervous and flighty
    So when I lift one finger,
    Then slowly another,
    And look at you through guarded eyes
    As you walk away,
    My tears will fall
    Like dandelions
    And my memories of you
    Will always float around me,
    Like dandelions.




    Submitted on 2004-12-13 21:22:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i thought that it was good. a very deep, tender feeling surrounded it. i liked the metaphor that you used(dandelion seeds) to paint a picture of lost memories and such. i liked it. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
      beautifully written poem. so sweet and lovely.
    I love the first two lines: I'll cover my eyes as you walk away,
    Not wanting to see you for the last time

    this poem was a great story of losing someone you love! you tell a story soooo good.
    | Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by MMISS | [ Reply to This ]
      Very, very nice write! LOL, I won't mention punctuation per your request. I will, however, point out my favorite lines,

    "So when I lift one finger,
    Then slowly another,
    And look at you through guarded eyes "

    Those are just wonderful! If you change anything in this piece, do not let it be these.
    | Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      Sweet. It's like the guy that you love so much will always be with you even though he physically is gone. . . the seeds that he planted will still be growing around you, in the people you know, in the places you go, and in you. However, I do suggest that you (perhaps) change this to third person view. . . I really do think it would help develop the originality of this poem, since wandering lovers is sort of a common theme. But I liked it! Good write!
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]


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