Description: That is what I really feel towards my fiancee and I can not describe to you how much I love her. I always pray for my God to join us together till death. I hope you will all like my poem.
An Isolated Island -------------------------------------------
You told me about your broken heart.
You said that " You've heard
All the love sentences, and it was all
false promises, and it would crash
your heart to be broken again."
Do not be afraid of me my dear.
I'm not that kind of men.
Who do not keep their words.
I swear I'll keep my word.
And the dreams I telling you about.
Are not illusions or mirage.
We are going to make it true.
But together side by side.
That big palace and that big gurden.
In this lovely isolated island.
Where we have no enemies.
We have those little birds.
Cheerful and singing for us.
Look! they are very delighted.
To see us putting hand in hand.
We are together in every second.
What will we need more?
Let's swear to live for each others.
Forever, as long as we live.
This is a lovely poem. You express your feelings well with your words. The sentiment here is very sweet and just an open, honest expression of love. That makes me smile. Love poems are wonderful to read, especially when they are dedicated to someone, as it makes them even more meaningful. I have some suggestions for you. In line seven, I think "men" should be "man". Also, I would eliminate some periods at the end of the lines that could use a comma instead, it would improve the flow. When the reader sees a period their tendency is to stop and pause and I feel it disrupts the overall flow here. For instance in these two lines I would put a comma:
I'm not that kind of men, who do not keep their words.
You could do this at a few other points in this poem. I think it would read better. But of course this is just my opinion. Other than these minor grammatical preferences, I think this is a very lovely and sincere poem. You express your feelings very well with your words. I am sure these words made your finacee smile. Very touching! Nice job. Take care.
Hi I can see you two walking down the beach hand in hand and very much inlove. Now to your poem, it is a promise that you are making so it comes from your heart. That makes it very beautiful. Your sharing your feelings with through this poem. I wish you both a very happy life. With lotssssssssss of love shabnam P.S do show her this poem.
Submission Name: An Isolated Island
