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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: An Isolated Islanddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Khaled AbdAllah
    ASL Info:    22 - male - Egypt
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 129/137/30
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 871
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 936



    Description:
       That is what I really feel towards my fiancee and I can not describe to you how much I love her. I always pray for my God to join us together till death. I hope you will all like my poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn Isolated Islanddots
    -------------------------------------------


    You told me about your broken heart.
    You said that " You've heard
    All the love sentences, and it was all
    false promises, and it would crash
    your heart to be broken again."
    Do not be afraid of me my dear.
    I'm not that kind of men.
    Who do not keep their words.
    I swear I'll keep my word.
    And the dreams I telling you about.
    Are not illusions or mirage.
    We are going to make it true.
    But together side by side.
    That big palace and that big gurden.
    In this lovely isolated island.
    Where we have no enemies.
    We have those little birds.
    Cheerful and singing for us.
    Look! they are very delighted.
    To see us putting hand in hand.
    We are together in every second.
    What will we need more?
    Let's swear to live for each others.
    Forever, as long as we live.




    Submitted on 2004-12-14 11:23:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a lovely poem. You express your feelings well with your words. The sentiment here is very sweet and just an open, honest expression of love. That makes me smile. Love poems are wonderful to read, especially when they are dedicated to someone, as it makes them even more meaningful. I have some suggestions for you. In line seven, I think "men" should be "man". Also, I would eliminate some periods at the end of the lines that could use a comma instead, it would improve the flow. When the reader sees a period their tendency is to stop and pause and I feel it disrupts the overall flow here. For instance in these two lines I would put a comma:

    I'm not that kind of men,
    who do not keep their words.

    You could do this at a few other points in this poem. I think it would read better. But of course this is just my opinion. Other than these minor grammatical preferences, I think this is a very lovely and sincere poem. You express your feelings very well with your words. I am sure these words made your finacee smile. Very touching! Nice job. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi I can see you two walking down the beach hand in hand and very much inlove.
    Now to your poem, it is a promise that you are making so it comes from your heart. That makes it very beautiful.
    Your sharing your feelings with through this poem.
    I wish you both a very happy life.
    With lotssssssssss of love shabnam
    P.S do show her this poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
      This is almost like wedding vows, the promises made before witnesses.

    Living together can be a piece of heaven. This comes from deep in your heart and I honor it as it is the heart of love.

    Nice job.

    Ishk allah mabud lilah

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


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