Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Buried Namesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 628
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 463



    Description:
       Eh I dunno...it puked onto paper out of my subconscious....so yeah.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBuried Namesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My wandering eyes revealed
    your half concealed face


    just outside my window
    on that cold night in the rain


    one second
    then you were gone


    never said goodbye
    No forwarding address


    So I wrote your name
    On a perfect paper dress


    To bury the memory of it
    6 feet down




    Submitted on 2004-12-14 17:29:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      short and filled with so much. i just love this piece. you have a great way with words. i really like the part about writing her name on a perfect paper dress. just a brilliant line here.
    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      i wish my subconscious was half as eloquent as yours ;o]
    this is a perfect example of how to use that simplicity throughout the poem and yet still possess a strong impact.
    i love the image of the paper dress.. and the use of the expression '6 feet down'.. the way you phrase it is different and that little bit of word play really does help to make for a very engaging read.
    | Posted on 2004-12-19 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I sort of somehow or other quite possibly on second thoughts like your poem, but it leaves me a little unsatisfied. Perhaps that is the skill of it, inasmuch as it merely suggests or hints at somethinga nd leaves the reader to flesh out the substance. I have a glimpse of a hlf buried face emerging froma pile of dead leaves outside your window. Your paper dress (well actually I hope its her paper dress and not yours) could be a sort of Dickensian Miss Haversham like unworn wedding dress thrown in an empty grave. There, you see what you do to me, you fire my imagination, so I finish up definitely liking your poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...thats all i can say. great start, even greater finish...i get the basic feel of the poem and i felt what you were trying to get across, but i really want to know what you were thinking when you wrote this, its beautiful, plz pm me soon to let me know.
    peace-angie
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by poetsoul | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't understand this. what do you mean when you say, "i wrote you name on a perfect paper dress"?...try being more clear ..you ned more infrmation or detail.
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by passion4poetry | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    37650

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Etiquette written by saartha
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Records I written by Raphael
    Dream written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    prison written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry