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    dots Submission Name: Buried Namesdots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 634
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 463

       Eh I dunno...it puked onto paper out of my subconscious....so yeah.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBuried Namesdots

    My wandering eyes revealed
    your half concealed face

    just outside my window
    on that cold night in the rain

    one second
    then you were gone

    never said goodbye
    No forwarding address

    So I wrote your name
    On a perfect paper dress

    To bury the memory of it
    6 feet down

    Submitted on 2004-12-14 17:29:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      short and filled with so much. i just love this piece. you have a great way with words. i really like the part about writing her name on a perfect paper dress. just a brilliant line here.
    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      i wish my subconscious was half as eloquent as yours ;o]
    this is a perfect example of how to use that simplicity throughout the poem and yet still possess a strong impact.
    i love the image of the paper dress.. and the use of the expression '6 feet down'.. the way you phrase it is different and that little bit of word play really does help to make for a very engaging read.
    | Posted on 2004-12-19 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I sort of somehow or other quite possibly on second thoughts like your poem, but it leaves me a little unsatisfied. Perhaps that is the skill of it, inasmuch as it merely suggests or hints at somethinga nd leaves the reader to flesh out the substance. I have a glimpse of a hlf buried face emerging froma pile of dead leaves outside your window. Your paper dress (well actually I hope its her paper dress and not yours) could be a sort of Dickensian Miss Haversham like unworn wedding dress thrown in an empty grave. There, you see what you do to me, you fire my imagination, so I finish up definitely liking your poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...thats all i can say. great start, even greater finish...i get the basic feel of the poem and i felt what you were trying to get across, but i really want to know what you were thinking when you wrote this, its beautiful, plz pm me soon to let me know.
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by poetsoul | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't understand this. what do you mean when you say, "i wrote you name on a perfect paper dress"?...try being more clear ..you ned more infrmation or detail.
    | Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by passion4poetry | [ Reply to This ]

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