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    dots Submission Name: The Corner (Revised #1)dots

    Author: zhi wei
    ASL Info:    17, Male, Malaysia.
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 171/203/53
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 884
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 850

       Here's a revised version of yesterday's submission, The Corner. The wording isn't much different, but I reduced the repetition as suggested.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Corner (Revised #1)dots

    The corner where you pushed him to;
    And shoved him against the wall.
    To leave his confidence battered and mauled
    With your heatless taunts and calls.

    The corner where you pushed him to;
    It was your personal boxing ring;
    There youd felt crowned like a king
    Because hed never say a thing.

    The corner where you pushed him to;
    Youd leave in callous cheer.
    While hed lie, broken, bleeding in fear,
    Shedding his lonely tear.

    The corner where you pushed him to;
    Youd push him everyday.
    Youve shattered him in every way
    That today, hes there to stay.

    The corner where you pushed him to;
    You beat him to the bone.
    And now he writes this note alone.
    And he takes a life his own.

    Submitted on 2004-12-14 20:16:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this is really sad, i dont read many that can make me stop and realize that i'm lucky to live where i do. The imagry is great and the structure is perfect. dont change anything more.
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by Trystam | [ Reply to This ]

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