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The Emotional Song

Author: Geremy Smith
ASL Info:    20/M/Pennsylvania
Elite Ratio:    5.79 - 171 /145 /23
Words: 524
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1084
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 3017


This is a story of a woman going through a hollow love for thirteen straight years and never knowing it until that thirteenth year.

The Emotional Song

She was in love with him
Dreamed, did everything she could to please him
Those days were short and the nights long
She had it written all over her face
That emotional song

"It seems like every day is the first. Your eyes so revealing, leaving me insecure, but always quenching this burning thirst. Every night you held me so tight, wrapped up in your arms away from the worlds harms. How impossible it may sound, but I wish I could be closer to you, just fly away from the ground...together forever."

Thirteen long years
Even through all the fallen tears
It seemed as though things were strong
And that their bond would last so long
as the sun's burning light

Just these little things we never see
Thinking such things couldn't be
But it was that night that it all happened
Everything, everyone up and gone
Every memory slowly undone

If this were a movie
I would hit restart
just skip the bad memories and this end
Pause it only at the good parts
Not like this pain affected only them
It affected everyone and it was then
their eyes were opened

She sat there as the tears flowed
Her entire body shaking as the sobs were heard
Little did she know, all her pain showed
This let down made her as transparent as my bedroom window
Its all been let out, but I...
I just don't want to speak these words
'Cause I don't want to make things any worse

In the blink of an eye he left her
Without a single thing to remember
That temptress caught the man
Pulling him from the little ones that truly loved him
But it seems now he'll never see
Not even care about what they could be

The wreck she became
Brought her down so far in shame
It felt like she couldn't take it anymore
Still reaching for something that wasn't
there in the first place
Inside her sorrow she sat,
that comfort space
She kept it in for far too long
Now she finished her emotional song

"I should have known something was wrong, all those lonely nights you were gone so long. Why did I think any of this was true? You've left me strung so high, and I don't know what to do. What hurt the most was this being all a lie, maybe one day I'll begin to not cry. But I just wanted you to know, no matter how far you go, or how bad this hurts, my heart remains with you."

All she could do was sit outside and cry
Head tilted, staring up at that night sky
That was all they shared now
the same stars shining above
Her wishes seeming like a dove
Flying away with him
Her true love, the one her heart
remains with.

Submitted on 2004-12-14 21:55:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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5: Wow!


  hey...i like the description..."even through all the fallen tears" that is beautiful line...the whole fifth stanza is very cool...i like how you compared it to a movie...i also like the way the poem moves in and out of first person point of view thats cool...i really like this a lot great job!

| Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]
  wowow this was so emotional. good imagery. i agree there is a story behind this. and 13 years of lying thats a heck of lot of time to actually put up with the [censored]...sorry. gettin me a bit 'strung up' here. but all the same, im adding this to my favorites.
| Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by MizCandy05 | [ Reply to This ]
  13 years of lying...pain...all from one guy. Well, okey I can relate in another way. 9 years of lying and pain from several different guys. I really like how you write for the opposite sex's feelings. You're not afraid to put that out there. And, you being a guy obviously, that is freaking awesome and I just want to, *Stands and applauds you*
| Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this has a good story in it, but it sort of drags out a little bit. I really like how this is all about her writing a song about what she's been through. At least that's what I got out of it. There are a few week parts in my opinion, like maybe the 5th satnza, i like the idea of it, but it just doesn't read that well to me. Maybe you could also work on the wording of some parts to make them sound a lot stronger like they are capable of being. You want them to sound original and emotional, not like things you might read all of the time. Anyway, I think with a few touch ups, it will be fine. Hope this helps.
| Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by Amberdy | [ Reply to This ]
  Im sure if this is typo'ed or im just missing something
Her true love, the on her heart
remains with.

A good read though ...a few lines in there i really liked ...Expecially this one
All she could do was sit outside and cry
Head tilted, staring up at that night sky

Nice job all in all
Blessed Be
| Posted on 2004-12-14 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]

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