Description: I wrote this before i went to bed after i was made fun of for wearing slacks to school. so this goes out to all the people who follow other peoples paths and never dare to blaze their own trail for once. I know its a little extreme but i just wanted to get my point acroos. please do not mind my puctuation or capitalization, those comments mean very little to me. Thanks!
Do as The Romans Do -------------------------------------------
Look at my school and you will see
a storm of blue jeans and khaki capris
people who fight to be different
yet strive to be omnicent
platform shoes and long blonde hair
pretending like no one cares
mouths hung open with stupid looks
always searching to get off the hook
telling girls to give them a holler
having no respect for their parents dollar
pants hang low with boxers revealed
bras with tissue well concealed
low cut shirts draw attention from faces
guys hoping to round all the bases
what a silly school I attend
all the futures following one trend
what will become of the earth's nationalities
with all these people, but no personalities?
I think you have yourself a point here, my high school is quite similar to this. A sea of endless conformity. But if you think about it, when people try to do the opposite, they just end up creating their own form of unoriginality the second someone does the same thing. It's pretty much unavoidable. But I see what you mean, people are extremely shallow. As far as your poem goes, I liked the message, and I liked certain lines a lot, but I thought maybe your rhyme was a bit too consistant and it was easy to focus on that more than the meaning,which I don't think was the goal here. So maybe try next time to rhyme more subtlely or not at all and concentrate on the meaning if you're trying to get your point across. I think one of my favorite lines here was: pants hang low with boxers revealed bras with tissue well concealed
Because you're right, you see that all the time, and it's completely ridiculous, and I like how this provides some comedy to the mix. It's good not to have an entirely serious poem sometimes. Anyway, nice job with this, I thought it was a pretty accurate description of everything socially between the middle of grade school and graduation.
Ah, I LOVED this poem... mostly because of what you're trying to portray to the audience... yup, you're right. Everyone needs to strive to be different... in my opinion, when we become stereotyped and turn into what everybody else wants us to be, we get lost in touch with our own minds, our own identities, our own opinions. And it is our opinions that shape who we are because everyone has their very own personal opinion. That's what a brain is for anyway. By putting on a mask (like your poem talks about), we're really just becoming someone we're not... I also love the fact that your poem came from a long-term view as well - we are future leaders of nations. If we do not even have our own ideas, our own identities, what will become of us?? You pose an interesting question here - definitely leaves an impact on the audience. Great write!