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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Do as The Romans Dodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rob Orchard
    ASL Info:    22/m/Caleefornya
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 72/117/42
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1947
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 788



    Description:
       I wrote this before i went to bed after i was made fun of for wearing slacks to school. so this goes out to all the people who follow other peoples paths and never dare to blaze their own trail for once. I know its a little extreme but i just wanted to get my point acroos. please do not mind my puctuation or capitalization, those comments mean very little to me. Thanks!

    ~Rob


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDo as The Romans Dodots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look at my school and you will see
    a storm of blue jeans and khaki capris
    people who fight to be different
    yet strive to be omnicent
    platform shoes and long blonde hair
    pretending like no one cares
    mouths hung open with stupid looks
    always searching to get off the hook
    telling girls to give them a holler
    having no respect for their parents dollar
    pants hang low with boxers revealed
    bras with tissue well concealed
    low cut shirts draw attention from faces
    guys hoping to round all the bases
    what a silly school I attend
    all the futures following one trend
    what will become of the earth's nationalities
    with all these people, but no personalities?





    Submitted on 2004-12-15 00:21:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you have yourself a point here, my high school is quite similar to this. A sea of endless conformity. But if you think about it, when people try to do the opposite, they just end up creating their own form of unoriginality the second someone does the same thing. It's pretty much unavoidable. But I see what you mean, people are extremely shallow. As far as your poem goes, I liked the message, and I liked certain lines a lot, but I thought maybe your rhyme was a bit too consistant and it was easy to focus on that more than the meaning,which I don't think was the goal here. So maybe try next time to rhyme more subtlely or not at all and concentrate on the meaning if you're trying to get your point across. I think one of my favorite lines here was:
    pants hang low with boxers revealed
    bras with tissue well concealed

    Because you're right, you see that all the time, and it's completely ridiculous, and I like how this provides some comedy to the mix. It's good not to have an entirely serious poem sometimes. Anyway, nice job with this, I thought it was a pretty accurate description of everything socially between the middle of grade school and graduation.
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by srcastic1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, I LOVED this poem... mostly because of what you're trying to portray to the audience... yup, you're right. Everyone needs to strive to be different... in my opinion, when we become stereotyped and turn into what everybody else wants us to be, we get lost in touch with our own minds, our own identities, our own opinions. And it is our opinions that shape who we are because everyone has their very own personal opinion. That's what a brain is for anyway. By putting on a mask (like your poem talks about), we're really just becoming someone we're not... I also love the fact that your poem came from a long-term view as well - we are future leaders of nations. If we do not even have our own ideas, our own identities, what will become of us?? You pose an interesting question here - definitely leaves an impact on the audience. Great write!
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by zhi wei | [ Reply to This ]


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