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    dots Submission Name: Desperation Crydots

    Author: AnointedPoetess
    ASL Info:    22/Fe/MN
    Elite Ratio:    2.12 - 127/178/49
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1274
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1019

       this was written on the 5 of july.. hope u all enjoy..

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDesperation Crydots

    On that night,

    My heart did God truly begin to see,

    I was crying out for mercy,

    Half of me wanting to surrender,

    While the other half didnt want to give in,

    Gods face i was longing to see but most of all needing his anointing to fall,

    From that night i believe,

    Birthed a great passion in me,

    Not only for God but his holy word as well,

    For me, it seemed like the perfect romance scene,

    Me, just a servent of the king laying at his feet,

    While he poured his love out on me like a soft cotton

    We both were recieving different blessings,

    I, wanting all he had for me,

    Him, my love, attention, care, and surrendance,

    Which made us both happy and fully concent,

    That was my cry of desperation that went forth that night,

    Always and forever remembered.

    Submitted on 2004-12-15 00:28:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this was written just fine. I had no problems reading it or following along. You clearly are greatful for your relationship with the Lord. You state things in this poem that show deep emotion and love. The Lord will guide you and accept you. Good job catipillar.
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont think surrendance is a word...its not in my dictionary anyway and the problem with this poem is the diversity in line length. One is 20 syllables, and the next has just six. Perhaps you could break up the lines to make it a little easier on the reader's eye (and lungs if they read out loud).

    Gods face i was longing to see,
    but most of all,
    needing his anointing to fall,

    you could do this kind of break up without hurting the poem.
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]

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