Description: Afraid of being useless, and afraid of letting go of so many lies that you've grown accustomed to. It's the certain security that so many lies can give, leave us unexposed and hidden within.
Splintered Tube of Ink -------------------------------------------
Pour a millimeter of ink
Across this crimped parchment
-let the black form a paragraph
Spill across the surface
(and blot out your eyes)
It's better to know nothing
Than to know anything at all
So my guts continue to spill
In incraments of a millimeter
A heart trembles
-with the thoughts of letting go
You know I can't do this alone
But isn't this what I've been doing all along?
When the right time comes
I'll open up with these ink eyes
Staring in desperate despair
-to white out their lies
Because maybe I've come to close
Slit the throat of a lie
To watch it bleed
Anything to stop the tonsil's movement
With all your words...they make no sense
But you know it makes more sense
When you turn up your ears
-and your mouth closed
Afraid you're getting
to no performance.
Well, this is interesting. I like the Emily Dickinson-like dashes, but I'd make each one have at least two hypens because if not, it's just a hyphen. The violent imagery is nice too. I like "Slit the throat of a lie/To watch it bleed" because I REALLY hate lies.
wow...your poems are so good...really they are. this one is so full of emotion and sadness...comparing your feelings to spilt ink? wow...thats really great...you did a terrific job! like borederlinetears said is absolutely amazing...love it...im stalking you
Your style, as I have just read a second piece of you, is very interesting and different. I like the flow of it. The whole concept involving writing, ink, paper, words really moved well through the piece. Being afraid in life is sometimes the useless thing to do. You know? That's how I feel about it. But I need to practice what I preach because I get scared too. Oh well, very nice write. You have talent. -blt
You are holding back something sweety, I don't know yet what it is, but you are not letting all your emotions flow onto this page. You are really angery about something. This poem was wonderful, I love the description and the fact that your pain is hiding behind your writen work, it was very emotional but you are still hold something back of yourself. It is almost as if you are wanting to embrace this pain because this is the only truth for you. You know what ever may come what ever lies may be told, the only thing you can hold fast to is this pain. This is only my thought. If you were to let go of this pain and write the words that it would express then that my friend would be a great poem. Dana
I love the lines: "But you know it makes more sense When you turn up your ears -and your mouth closed". Lies are very powerful and ofcourse they cover up but they also devour you if you're not careful and that's what comes through in your poem. The fact that you need to bleed it dry to get rid of it. The sudden change in rhythm at the end is quite effective and brings the poem to a sad and poignant ending. Very well written.
This is a very insightful piece and I think you've done a great job in getting the message across that lies will eventually catch up with you and might even mean your end if you don't escape from them in time. I like the style you've used although it seems a bit complex - it is very effective for the piece and the overall impact leaves me thinking about lies in general... evocative writing!