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Dawn is a False Promise

Author: painofthanatos
Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684 /571 /86
Words: 200
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1030
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1331


the part that is [boxed], should it remain or not?

Dawn is a False Promise

Dawn is a false promise
With the morning sunrise
We are “guaranteed” a new day
A fresh start
A time in which we can start anew
And not worry about the things we did
Only no one else can forget yesterday
But we fall asleep in smiles
Tomorrow will be better
Tomorrow will be okay
Tomorrow I’ll do my homework
Tomorrow I’ll remember to pick up my sister on time
Tomorrow maybe they’ll notice I’m there
Tomorrow maybe they’ll forget the rumours and gossip
Tomorrow they’ll remember me
We wake up
Still with smiles
As the sun shines in our windows
Through the cracks in the blinds
And as the dawn turns into day
We go about our business
School, work, whatever
And we learn it’s the same as the day before
[It’s not better
It’s not okay
I haven’t done my homework
I forgot to pick my sister up on time
They didn’t notice I was there
They didn’t forget the rumours and the gossip
They didn’t remember me]
Again dawn has broken its promise
But we don’t care
Those who have lied
May be vindicated
So we fall asleep with smiles
Tomorrow will be better…

Submitted on 2004-12-15 11:55:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I liked that courtney. It had a presence to it, which I seriously enjoyed. I liked how you use your beginning in the end but put a twist on it. your work's great. keep it up
| Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
  Good work. I'm not sure if the [] stuff should stay or not. it sounds good with it and without it. I also like how you reused the beginning in the end. The only think I don't like is it sounds a bit run together. You might think about putting it into stanzas. Just something to think about. Good write.

| Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  good work, i liked it...i know how it feels, ya know to make a promise 2 yourself and break it.I promise myself I'll be allright, all the time, but does it ever come true?!? I wish...i wanted to tell you though how much i liked this poem, i'm only ur 3rd commentor???
| Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]

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