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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Falling Apartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Geremy Smith
    ASL Info:    20/M/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    5.79 - 171/145/23
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1471
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1314



    Description:
       I believe this is sort of self-explanatory, plus I want to see if any as a reader get their own meaning out of this one.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalling Apartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The apparitions of my mind
    I search but can’t seem to find
    This void dark seclusion
    A lullaby oh so miserable
    Something that will keep me up all night

    Blood shot eyes continue to observe
    Looking for anything to keep me breathing
    My self-control I try to conserve

    Let me take the wheel
    And just crash this car
    You’re so good at pretending
    That you’ve been fine so far
    I search for the dark corner
    ----of my mind
    To just hide and
    ----try to find
    A path away from this

    Excuse me while I fall apart
    These dreams haven’t stopped for weeks
    This pretending affects the heart
    My mind unsure of what it seeks

    But you’re so good
    Just so good at pretending
    That everything’s ok
    I can’t stand every minute spending
    ----with this heartache and your fake smile
    It’s tearing me apart
    Mile after constant mile

    So…

    Let me take the wheel
    ----and just crash this car
    Scratch out everything that has to do
    ----with every memory of you

    The pretending will end
    ----This spending will bend

    …Excuse me while I fall apart.




    Submitted on 2004-12-15 15:43:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      damn this was good. really. like a story-like poem about a guy who's just too messed up, depressed maybe, can't sleep, can't eat, can't even dream - until that darkness gets too heavy and he decides he has to end it. very impressing. *applause*

    Blood shot eyes continue to observe
    Looking for anything to keep me breathing
    My self-control I try to conserve

    this line particulary got my attention, really got to the point, scratched everything in one piece. i liked this very much. thank you for putting it here, really. wow.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by _taateli_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this but it seems like something you would write before committing suicide. Other than that, its really good, just don't be thinking of suicide, it seems like an easy way out but all you're doin is hurting people around you.
    | Posted on 2004-12-19 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      i am torn between two different things in this. the first is relationship suddenly filled with lies and betrayal, both parties are ignoring it and trying to "pretend" everything is ok. in the end one of them is just sick of all the [censored] and wants to be done and move on, be happy again. the second is sort of like re-evaluating one's life. everything hits a dead end and you just want to be gone. start everything over and make yourself different in all aspects. not just mentally, but physically and emotionally too. wanting to just die and "fix" all the bad things in life. stop all the heartache and all the lies you've lived and just find your inner happiness. find yourself. this is a great write, keep it up**
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Firstlt, welcome to this conjunction of words.
    Secondly, thanks for reading and commenting on "Flute Winds"
    Thirdly, there's good rhythm to you peom.
    I take it that you are taking inventory of yourself in "Falling Apart"
    Yes crash that car of your former self. Let
    tomorrow's sunshine grow greener grass under your feet.
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this peice a lot, I like you you potray the darker side of love. it seems like it was about a fight during a relationship that both of you try/tried to avoid as much as possible, but both wanted it resolved.
    "Let me take the wheel
    And just crash this car
    You’re so good at pretending
    That you’ve been fine so far" This part is really good, because to me it's saying that you're sick of how they pretend to care/or whatever, and that you're finally giving up on trying to make them really care, so you want to talke the wheel and crash the car. I don't know, that's what I got from it. but once again. VERY GOOD...
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]
      First theres nothin you go through or are goin through that god doesnt think you can make it through. now i got that out the way.
    its seems to be about someone going through relationship problems, and your girl doesnt seem to be helping the situation by avoiding the problems or are you just avoiding the solution. 4 a young cat its a very deep and perciselly thought out piece.
    "Let me take the wheel
    -and just crash this car", now im not saying that this is my favorite part by no means im just wandering what the hell are you thinkin,
    it cant, and never should ever get that bad.
    "Blood shot eyes continue to observe
    Looking for anything to keep me breathing
    My self-control I try to conserve",. this is the most prolicfic part of the poem for me.
    i like how you phrased it, even though you are tired you still were searching. your self control your trying to conserve sounds like you are trying to reserve it for the next time you might need, i dont know maybe im wrong.
    either way nice one...

    one...
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by elohimswork | [ Reply to This ]
      after reading the first stanza i get the sense of suicide...next stanza felling of being high or drunk (my own interpretation) ya know blood shot eyes or whatever...next its like your daring yourself to crash the car or its like maybe somebody is in there with you and your trying to scare them or amybe evn trying to scare yourself...well my interpretation of the poem as a whole is that your trying to forget something or somebody...you want to erase the part of your mind where that memeory remains...maybeidk i didnt write it but yea thats what i think...its a great read btw...very nice job writting...i was lost on the periods ya know but then it came to me bc yea whatever...
    peace out newby! welcomage to the site!


    lemma know if you have any ?'s ok? cya later and hope to read more work!

    Rhaine!
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]
      Magnificent. I thought it was about a man whose girlfriend's in some personal trouble, but she acts like everything is fine. He can't stand it because he loves her so much and it's killing him to watch her fall apart. I loved your images. You've got a good way with words, too.
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by Dark_Dancer | [ Reply to This ]
      depression following a break up is common, but theses dark thoughts are not. you cant run and hide. pretending only delays the fact. you expressed this well. i wouldn't change a thing. and i'm praying things will get better for you.
    illusions
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by illusions35959 | [ Reply to This ]
      This write symbolizes how someone can like someone so much that they look to their flaws to try to not like them. In the end though, it seems they always end up still liking them. That's what I gathered about this piece anyway. :) I really liked this line,
    "Scratch out everything that has to do
    -with every memory of you"
    This whole piece is reminscent of the situation I'm trying to 'fall apart' from so to speak. :) Good write. Welcome to the site.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow ...I really liked this piece ...Expecially the ending ...It sort of held me all the way through and then hit me in the last few lines there...
    You have a real talent for expressing sadness ...Which isnt always easy to express so that others feel it in your work ...
    I really felt it ..and im so glad that i read it ...Thankyou for sharing ...i look forward to reading more from you
    Blessed Be
    Krysti
    | Posted on 2004-12-15 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]


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