This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

  Off

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password
Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

Lazy days


Author: manicsmuse
ASL Info:    28
Elite Ratio:    3.69 - 146 /161 /55
Words: 157
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1027
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 865



Description:

What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


Lazy days


Gently you roll your rough hand over my trembling lips,
and for a moment I am dulled into compliance.
The kind of compliance that makes you hold your scream,
makes you breath less comfortable.
For a moment I am able to place myself at A friends summer home.
I said for a moment. Crash.
Now I am in your grips again.
The blood that drops,
drips and drizzles my soul all over your insanity.
Your lips curl a grin as you lap up my death
like a dried out dog.
I am afraid now.
I am sure you have given the blow to introduce me to our maker.
The hands that once stroked my fears away
Are the hands that want to kill me.
Why? How does love turn so wicked?
As I look into your abyss of hatred for me,
I wonder how twisted I am for ever loving you.




Submitted on 2004-12-16 07:00:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  you have some very good metaphors throughout this poem, You poem had a gripping affect on me as I read it, like putting together a puzzle just after you laid all the pieces on the table.

I also like the set-up,for it didn't reveal where you were heading in this poem.
| Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?		7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



37957

EliteSkills

  Roleplay
  Top News