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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Emotionally Dyingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 773
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 822



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEmotionally Dyingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm 15 year old
    I'm emotionally dying
    Sitting in my room crying
    Asking why?
    I may be alive physically
    but I'm dying emotionally
    my life has fallen through the depth of beyond.
    Crying for help, but no one is there.
    Asking myself, does anyone care
    I'm emotionally dying.
    Parents always fighting over me.
    I'm always stuck in the middle.
    Can't decide who stay with.
    The court has to step in and decide for me.
    Crying because I don't know what to do.
    I'm only 15 years old
    I've been always told that i'm going to fail.
    I'm going to prove you wrong.
    I'm emotionally dying.
    Some one help me.
    I'm emotionally dying




    Submitted on 2004-12-16 10:27:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i really liked this. it was touching and it was real. you werent trying to front, it was straightforward, raw and strictly you.
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by MizCandy05 | [ Reply to This ]
      ok well this is a little choppy and kind of sad but i know where your coming from. there are a few typo's but that can easily be fixed. i think that you should keep writing so that you can groww through your poetry and became a great writer.
    -sweet
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
      You did a great job of expressing the worries of any child going through divorce and all the things teens go through.

    Many people will relate to this poem.

    My only suggestion would be to change the word but to yet, yet is more poetic to me.
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      A very touching piece, as I myself went through something very similiar to this though a little younger than 15. As already mentioned, the initial thought you're trying to get across does seem slightly fogged by this turrent of overlapping thoughts. Once focused I believe this could be a rather good piece. Yet even as it is the piece is still quite good. Nice write, and keep it up.

    -Geremy-
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by Geremy Smith | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it, the whole rhyme scheme is good, the only thing i dont like is I&#8217???whats that about??? but other than that the whole thing is great...i am 16, and i am dying inside as well, my parents are split, and my life kinda sucks as well. great job keep up the good work
    ...Solemn Star
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by Solemn Star 88 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this piece. It sounds like you're parents are going through a divorce for some reason. I guess cuz of the court thing... but yes, it would be a hard decision wouldnt it? I know how it feels when you think you're 'emotionally dying'. I think it sounds more correct if you changed that little line,
    'I may be alive physically,
    But I'm dying mentally."
    For me everything has either been physical or mental.
    Small words can seriously screw me up, mental wise. Never been physically abused, so everything usually goes down to mental...
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTheGun | [ Reply to This ]


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