locked out
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Description:
it's really cruddy, i kind of went of on a tangent after a friend walked out yesterday, slamming the door leaving me all alone wondering what i did wrong. Tried to do a rhyme scheme, but it kind of screwed with the flow. I didn't even finish...but i'm not sure where to take it. any ideas?
Thank you all for your ideas, i attempted an ending - i'm sure it's not the one everyone was searching for, but it's what i came up with...
Thank you all for your ideas, i attempted an ending - i'm sure it's not the one everyone was searching for, but it's what i came up with...
locked out
You say you didn’t know that I was locked out From all that was good in my life How can you forget when you slammed the door The moment you saw the knife You keep pretending you didn’t leave Laughing at lame jokes I tell Only there’s a problem… You weren’t there when I fell Or have you so soon forgotten that they put me away Taking away my knives and my glass Trying to clear up all the memories that you placed So violently into my past How could they expect me to survive there In a small little room With out a knife to lay claims to That could take away all my doom Only I did it, and I'm out But the door, it's still shut So all alone in my room I begin to cut Watching the blood As it mingles with tears And I am consumed By my greatest fears So I take one final cut And I'll never look back I slam my door shut And give into the black |
Submitted on 2004-12-16 12:20:01 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Hey its me... i see you finished it and i really like it, you wanted me to read the ending. well i did, and i think the whole thing is great! great job...well ttyl ...Solemn Star | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by Solemn Star 88 | [ Reply to This ] | That makes me feel bad...cuz my ex wrote me s similar to that ...she hates me. but anyway your poem is great, everything flows together so nicely, great job...Solemn Star | | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by Solemn Star 88 | [ Reply to This ] | well, i still feel bad you deal with things the way you do, but we all have our ways right. i think this is a wonderfully written piece. the rhyming and flow of it all goes so well. you kept me reading throughout the whole thing and never lost my attention, that to me is a good write*** | | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ] | ok, I hate to tell people that I can relate, so it's good that this time I can't not completely...no one ever took away my knife, not for lack of trying, but only 3 people know about what I do...I think this ending fits it perfectly...my favorite part is: | "Watching the blood as it mingles with tears and i am consumed by my greatest fears... how often have I caved???well, I just wanted to tell you I liked this masterpiece. camoflage | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ] | |
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