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locked out

Author: painofthanatos
Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684 /571 /86
Words: 185
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1154
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1115


it's really cruddy, i kind of went of on a tangent after a friend walked out yesterday, slamming the door leaving me all alone wondering what i did wrong. Tried to do a rhyme scheme, but it kind of screwed with the flow. I didn't even finish...but i'm not sure where to take it. any ideas?

Thank you all for your ideas, i attempted an ending - i'm sure it's not the one everyone was searching for, but it's what i came up with...

locked out

You say you didn’t know that I was locked out
From all that was good in my life
How can you forget when you slammed the door
The moment you saw the knife

You keep pretending you didn’t leave
Laughing at lame jokes I tell
Only there’s a problem…
You weren’t there when I fell

Or have you so soon forgotten that they put me away
Taking away my knives and my glass
Trying to clear up all the memories that you placed
So violently into my past

How could they expect me to survive there
In a small little room
With out a knife to lay claims to
That could take away all my doom

Only I did it, and I'm out
But the door, it's still shut
So all alone in my room
I begin to cut

Watching the blood
As it mingles with tears
And I am consumed
By my greatest fears

So I take one final cut
And I'll never look back
I slam my door shut
And give into the black

Submitted on 2004-12-16 12:20:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Hey its me... i see you finished it and i really like it, you wanted me to read the ending. well i did, and i think the whole thing is great! great job...well ttyl
...Solemn Star
| Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by Solemn Star 88 | [ Reply to This ]
  That makes me feel bad...cuz my ex wrote me s similar to that ...she hates me. but anyway your poem is great, everything flows together so nicely, great job...Solemn Star
| Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by Solemn Star 88 | [ Reply to This ]
  well, i still feel bad you deal with things the way you do, but we all have our ways right. i think this is a wonderfully written piece. the rhyming and flow of it all goes so well. you kept me reading throughout the whole thing and never lost my attention, that to me is a good write***
| Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
  ok, I hate to tell people that I can relate, so it's good that this time I can't not one ever took away my knife, not for lack of trying, but only 3 people know about what I do...I think this ending fits it favorite part is:
"Watching the blood
as it mingles with tears
and i am consumed
by my greatest fears...
how often have I caved???well, I just wanted to tell you I liked this masterpiece.
| Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]

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