two by two -------------------------------------------
why don’t you stay
smile a while crocodile?
why try to hide those brilliant whites?
i know how you love to bite
then maybe slip me the tongue
smear my lips silver
still tastes coffee bitter
with all this cream and sugar
(you dissolve
sugar lump
on my tongue)
chemicals rush through the blood stream
elephant stamps on the heart she tore
“you’ll never know me if you can’t breathe
never taste mine if you can’t be brave”
did you not read?
‘don’t feed the animals’
keep your hands clear of the cage
they don’t know not to bite
i like all the animal references and it does feel like a song. where you been lately? :P i'm working this weekend but I recorded some stuff and need your advice on amps...
I like this. It had an interesting image. . .A hidden message and was very well writen. . .I'm not sure if I understood it . . . but I think I did. I've been hurt before, so this was something I could relate to. The cracadile part made me think of "see ya lata alagada, afta a while crocadile" My favorite part is: chemicals rush through the blood stream elephant stamps on the heart she tore “you’ll never know me if you can’t breathe never taste mine if you can’t be brave”
did you not read? ‘don’t feed the animals’ keep your hands clear of the cage they don’t know not to bite
The first part was good too. . .I didn't really understand the part in parenthesis though. . .I like this. . .
very cool way of putting passion and original, good for you. Now how can anyone think this could be about you having sex with an crocodile,lol but he did say he has a reptile fetish.
Bracken .. this is you at your best. it really is. i love the crocodile metaphor.. very vivid and gets your point across straight away.
the flow of the poem.. the rhythm.. is just amazing. i hate to sound gushy when i'm commenting but it's hard not to with this poem... or are they lyrics? they read a bit like lyrics with the rhythm. i wish i could give you a more coherent comment but i'm just so impressed with it.
Submission Name: two by two
