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    dots Submission Name: Paper Patterned Seedsdots

    Author: Geremy Smith
    ASL Info:    20/M/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    5.79 - 171/145/23
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1429
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 921

       A realization fo something so unchangable and unavoidable....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPaper Patterned Seedsdots

    All these I-love-youís lost
    When what I meant
    --I wrote on your chest

    If I could just take back these misspent days
    Every second of anger
    Wipe these tears away

    Call out my name
    Tell me what happens
    While my eyes close for their last time
    Does this all simply end?
    An eternal darkness
    --With a burning in my soul

    Because it just hit me
    --This life is just a thing

    Whispering branches take their time
    Raking across the path of my ears
    Reminding me of how Iím broken
    in you

    Take this time and realize
    Concentration forces me to be myself
    Itís all inevitable

    As I will be broken
    I am the one that bleeds
    Life dripping as water from my fingertips
    Taking time to plant the seeds
    And harvest loss.

    Submitted on 2004-12-16 19:24:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      *Taking time to plant the seeds
    And harvest loss*

    Best lines in this poem. You have a great way with words.
    I think it would have been better if the stanzas were even,but then again,it's just me. :)
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      This is one of the best pieces I have read with such a free-flow format for some time. You portray such a bold message in diamond clear words it'd be a challenge for even the daftess person to misinterpret this.

    "All these I-love-youís lost
    When what I meant
    --I wrote on your chest"

    Great opening, and my favorite stanza. I have no words against this, good piece. Sorry I couldnt give you a better comment, but honestly theres nothing at al wrong with this piece.


    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]

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