I love how you've taken something so light hearted and care free as a game of hide and seek and spun it into something deeper and more serious. It almost resembles a spectrum, starting at light and gradually darkening.
This is great,- a childhood game of hide-and-Seek as a metaphor for the ups and downs of a relationship, It sounds a lot like the first stages , where you are getting to know one another-the playful rhythm lends credence to this also,
I loved the ending "There you are
Inside the sentient clad steel trap
Sitting as bait" - everything about it was right on, the spacing, the breaks, the trap and bait imagery- Nothing to offer as a suggestion to improve, i like this just as it stands. Silver
Wow, I felt stupid after reading this and realizing the metaphor. Then I went back and looked for the thing that sent me off track. I think it is the article, THE old maple tree. That sent me off believing for the first moment that there was this specific tree you used to play hide and seek with. Of course I now believe this all to be figurative language dealing with a relationship, I think a passive-aggressive relationship. Perhaps if it had just been AN old maple tree I wouldn't have gone awry, but hey, it was definitely worth the extra trip. Very vivid way of describing how it feels to come out of a scrape with your mate. Dave
This poem was lovely. I know it might sound a little off to compare this to what i'm about to say, but this is really how I saw this. I got the distinct feeling of a pair of sweethearts "finding" each other for the very first time. It was like they were trying to find each other's souls through their eyes...I'm off aren't I - way off...so sorry...
Yeah, this is great. I almost want to add it to my favourites, but I've been adding too many as it is. Anyway, this is nice...I mean..here I was expecting something nostalgic, but you really took it in an interesting direction while keeping things relative with the graphic content. Very very subtle. Bravo!
I loved it, looking for love, life, wealth and all of that! well placed words, well thought drama and lovely pictoral writing. no criticisim as not much to criticise.
Submission Name: Hide and Seek
