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A “Filling” You


Author: Geremy Smith
ASL Info:    20/M/Pennsylvania
Elite Ratio:    5.79 - 171 /145 /23
Words: 162
Class/Type: Lyrics /Misc
Total Views: 1225
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1013



Description:


Bascially the using of another that is a large addiction. Use your fill..discard and come back for another round.

Look forward to any thoughts...Thanks.


A “Filling” You



The more I taste
The more I lie
Need my fill of you
The more I taste
The more I lie
Nothing more of me

When in my arms
All they do is speak of you
Throw your apathy to an end
Just to turn back
Need another fill of you

My sight for hungry eyes today
I want more inside of me
The deceit a remorseful addiction
A poetical high
As my fingers choke this into you

The farther I sink
The farther you die
Needing this bloody lie
The farther I sink
The farther you die
Nothing short of darkened sky

Let me take this fill of you
Paper cut your eyes
Place over them
the bandages of black
It’s all I’ve got for sale today

The more I taste
The more I lie
Something so additional

The farther I sink
The farther you die
I took my fill of you.




Submitted on 2004-12-17 11:19:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I really like this. Addiction is something everybody struggles with. You described an addiction so well. So much emotion, or in this case non emotion. The lack of enthusiasm in this. The whispered pain. Then the fading away. Nothing more. Rotting from the core. It was so good.

Broken
| Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by Broken heart dies | [ Reply to This ]
  la de da da. Im really impressed. Its a really way to look at an addiction, an addiction to a person, and how bad you think you need them.
I liked how structured this was, and I also think it would make a phenomenal song!
Good work and good luck!
-Andrya
| Posted on 2004-12-24 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
  The more I taste
The more I lie
Need my fill of you
The more I taste
The more I lie
Nothing more of me

The last line of that stanza. Was amazing. Simply just stayed with me. Kept re-reading it. Living a lie for a certain person until there's nothing left of yourself. Kills you slowly. I know this. Unfortunately. I wish this kinda pain on no one. *Sighs* Again. You astound me. I just sit here and shake my head. Your bloody awesome. *Smiles*
~BCute
| Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  This is excellent. I like the ambiguity in this piece. I'm assuming (from the poem and description) that it's about an obsessive, abusive relationship:

As my fingers choke this into you

The farther I sink
The farther you die
Needing this bloody lie
The farther I sink
The farther you die

I know you mean that when you get a little bit of her that you want more, but I read something about Kurt Cobain that said that "And I forget just why I taste" was a reference to the practice of injecting heroin right below the skin. I don't know. Heroin goes into your arms, and I have no idea what a heroin high is like, so "they" could be hallucinations from the drug.
Like I said, I know it's about a relationship, but the imagery is so disturbing and all over the place that the heroin thing works.

I found:

Let me take this fill of you
Paper cut your eyes
Place over them
the bandages of black
It’s all I’ve got for sale today

most interesting. "Paper cut your eyes" is almost painful to read. Are the black bandages your eyelids going black from death? I know that black bandages are a traditional symbol of mourning.
| Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok so I think this piece shows alot of promise. I just have a few thoughts that in my opinion could make it stronger.please dont take this as an insult Im just throwing around some idea.


Need my fill of you
The more I taste
The more I lie
Please nothing more of me

When in my arms
All they do is speak of you
Throw your apathy to an end
Just to turn back
Need another fill

My sight for hungry eyes today
I want more inside of me
Deceit a remorseful addiction
A poetical high
As my fingers choke this into you

The farther I sink
You die just a little more
Needing this lie
spoken under the darkened sky

Let me take this fill of you
Paper cut your eyes
cover them with
black bandages
It’s all I’ve got for sale today

The more I taste
The more I lie
Something so additional

The farther I sank
The more you died
because I took my fill of you.


yeah so just some ideas I got as I read the piece. Feel free to use or loose my suggestions. Just watch out for so much repition so close together it weakens the overall structure of the piece. Keep it up my friend!-JOhn
| Posted on 2004-12-17 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this part the best "Let me take this fill of you
Paper cut your eyes
Place over them
the bandages of black
It’s all I’ve got for sale today"
It creates a really weird visual image...and It's a prett cool one. I think this may be one of your better pieces...although I think maybe it should be further instead of farther...you may want a second opinion on that one though.
*two thumbs up*
| Posted on 2004-12-17 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]


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