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    dots Submission Name: Winter Breezedots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 567
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1054

       i wrote this about 2 guys. hope you like it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWinter Breezedots

    You know that I liked you,
    Since you walked through the door.
    Then we started talking,
    And I liked you even more.

    I'm not sure what it was.
    Was it your smile or your tear?
    But I know it was your laugh,
    That I forever long to hear.

    Sometimes you get so angry,
    And I don't know what to do.
    I really think I like you,
    But I'm not sure if this is true.

    I know that you'll be gone.
    You'll be leaving this room soon.
    I'd give you almost anything,
    Except maybe the moon.

    But at times you make me mad,
    With the silly things you do.
    Then you make me laugh,
    And once again I will like you.

    Now you are leaving,
    Gone through that same door.
    Quickly moving on,
    And I'll like you no more.

    But then I'll remember,
    The sweet memories.
    And I'll hear your laugh,
    In the cold winter breeze.

    Submitted on 2004-12-17 15:30:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. I AM SOOO PROUD OF YOU! you didn't mention the words: death, die, kill, murder, torture, hate, destroy, or anything like that in this poem. maybe you do have a soft side. Anyway I do like this poem. It is very chaotic, in the sense that it is constantly jumping between 2 emotion rather than focusing on one. But I think that was the point. I wrote a poem with that format once, I call it Haunted by Chaos. Anyways, nice write, I look forward to reading more of your work. ... SAM
    | Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by Samuel Bielz | [ Reply to This ]
      This was 1 of your more loving, positive pieces & I enjoyed the rhyme scheme and it had a nice melodic flow.

    Great job!

    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm... I really liked the emotion behind this, and that showed through in some of the lines, especially this one :

    Was it your smile or your tear?

    I think if you didn't worry about rhyming, and just free-versed this idea, it would come across better.

    | Posted on 2004-12-17 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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