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    dots Submission Name: tears (revised)dots

    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 585
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 470


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    dotstears (revised)dots

    Some people think you should not cry
    I disagree
    crying is a way to feel free.
    Tears are water
    coming down like a water fall.
    The taste of a tear
    means you have fear
    tears are like crystals, cold yet so beautiful
    Yet they are warm as the sun coming down on a spring day in Minnesota.
    A refection of a tear is like a diamond on a girl you love.
    Don't worry to show your tears.

    Submitted on 2004-12-17 16:50:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like your message in this poem, it is good,but you can make it better if you re-write this part:

    The taste of a tear
    means you have fear
    having a fear
    helps release your tears
    tears are like crystals, cold yet so beautiful

    way too force and repetitive wording, the rest is great, just clean this section up. I can you do have the skills.
    | Posted on 2004-12-17 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]

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