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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Worn as lover's jeansdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Josh
    ASL Info:    17/nh
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 276/226/30
    Words: 229
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 365
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1518



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWorn as lover's jeansdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Heart beat is the rhythm today
    sheets of music fly following a blind breeze.
    When naked feet saunder
    your mind tends to wander
    Under the Jerusalem sun.
    So says a young bright boy
    as he sits
    under a busy underpass
    Cold and happy, leaping for humbleness.
    Leaving long and lonely footsteps
    on a hardcover book.
    Bright only in saturated standards
    being of course from the small town of the state.
    How far he has wandered today,
    Lost in his own hindering selflessness
    peers long lost in his peaceful wake.
    Words fly off the page at his peeping eyes,
    but others aren't so kind.
    Loud crashes of sewer grates high above him
    cringe his faithful thoughts.
    On the road again they say, and he picks up his
    things.
    A backpack, and a loose leaf binder,
    Loose thoughts on a strictly lined page.
    Tyed as tight as his mothers patience
    and worn as beautiful as his lover's jeans.
    Heartbreakingly simple, his life is thrown in the bag.

    Drawn to the concrete,
    Lovable and true.
    True as the skyline i suppose,
    Because if one really knew.
    Stray minds run the tracks
    of the crowded city streets.
    Thighs pumping and minds racing.

    If one only knew i suppose
    Peace is every step.

    He closes the book,
    and starts the slow walk back to town.




    Submitted on 2004-12-17 20:44:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the way you right. I feel like you're talking to me. It was very beautiful. I also enjoyed your rhyme scheme.
    | Posted on 2005-04-24 00:00:00 | by MapsToAnywhere | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the way you described the boy being so simple. Having nothing and yet he nows everything. Thats how I guess it really is. I loked the way you captured that. Keep it up I really liked it.
    Kacey
    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
      All the words were just so clever and beautifully written.I really liked this and I wanna see more of your stuff.You seem pretty talented.
    | Posted on 2004-12-17 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Heyyy long time no... reading your work? haha forgive me for being a bit drowsy, I just got my wisdom teeth out. I really liked this. The images are so well portrayed, the character is so well built. Level headed, bright, etc. He seems to escape so he can write, but no matter how far he gets theres reminders of distractions in every day life.
    I loved the lines:
    Loose thoughts on a strictly lined page.
    Tyed as tight as his mothers patience

    The words were just put together so well, I'm impressed.
    Good work!
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-12-30 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      These lines held the most meaning for me, although the piece as a whole was truely amazing.

    "Drawn to the concrete,
    Lovable and true.
    True as the skyline i suppose,
    Because if one really knew."

    I believe these lines hold a meaning for me different then what you intended. Although I cannot be sure...good write though. Please, keep it up.
    ~BCute
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you mispelled "tyed/tied" in there.

    About a kid writing about life in his notebook in a secret place he has in the sewers? That was probably taken too literally on my part and is actaully meant to be more symbolic. I don't know, I just had a real literal vibe coming from this. The imagary and style is typical of your writing, from what I have read so far, accept this one didn't hit me.


    peace,
    mister fizzle
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      So... from this I get that an Israeli or Palestinian boy is writing about love amidst the hate that's surrounding him.

    "Loud crashes of sewer grates high above him
    cringe his faithful thoughts."

    From this I get Israeli jet planes. I don't know; he's trying to escape from Israelis bulldozing Palestinians and then Palestinians bombing Israelis.

    He writes of a love he once had, but lost her from some atrocity or massacre.

    "Drawn to the concrete,
    Lovable and true.
    True as the skyline i suppose,
    Because if one really knew.
    Stray minds run the tracks
    of the crowded city streets.
    Thighs pumping and minds racing.

    If one only knew i suppose
    Peace is every step.

    He closes the book,
    and starts the slow walk back to town."

    Concrete. Rubble. Walking to his destroyed town. Peace is every step to love. Stray minds run the tracks. Politicians. Greed.

    You know what those [censored]s say... "might is right."

    Why help out Palestine when we've got Israel on our side?

    Wonderful attitude.

    Storm
    | Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by Storm of Bliss | [ Reply to This ]



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