[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: .:Garden Of Eden:.dots

    Author: Timmy S. Edgar
    ASL Info:    38 male Melb, Australia
    Elite Ratio:    2.6 - 263/200/71
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 675
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 424

       Just a lil diddy expressing my heart felt feelings

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots.:Garden Of Eden:.dots

    Here she comes
    My heart swells
    She is so lovely
    Kiss me I wont tell

    So mature our love is easy
    In love true love for sure
    Come with me to the Garden of Eden
    A light cool breeze whispers, hearts pure

    Now joined as one
    As our sense touch
    True love beauty
    To be you and i means so much

    Submitted on 2004-12-18 03:24:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Mature love is something else, that I can see why you would reference the Garden of Eden where things were suppose to be so much better. My idea of what love is suppose to be and what the Garden coukd have been closely mirror one another. I liked that and this was really sweet m
    | Posted on 2015-05-04 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      i wish it was longer.
    it is beautyfull.
    its simle and elagent.
    it reminded me the first time i though i was in "love
    well done
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by snufthepunk28 | [ Reply to This ]
      i feel like the last line carries everything. like krysti... i admire the weight placed on the back of simplicity... i admire the way it didn't falter. i guess almost everyone wants a piece of paradise and share it with someone.

    good job.
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      Some nice imagery used here, and I like how you used the Garden of Eden in the middle of it all to sort of reassure the reader of your feelings. However, I do believe that some punctuation is required in parts such as:

    So mature our love is easy
    In love true love for sure

    This part got me in particular because the reader goes through it relatively quickly but really I think it should be taken a lot slower, so I think maybe:

    So mature, our love is easy;
    In love, true love for sure.

    That was the only problem I had with this though, and I think you did a great job with your feelings. Nice work!
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      You already know i liked this ;) ...But ill tell you again ...I liked the flow ...i liked its simplicity and the fact that its simplicity just added to the beauty of the poem ...

    Blessed Be
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]