.:Garden Of Eden:.

Author: Timmy S. Edgar ASL Info:    38 male Melb, Australia Elite Ratio:    2.6 - 263 /200 /71 Words: 70

Class/Type: Poetry /Love Total Views: 1041 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 424

Description:

---

.:Garden Of Eden:.

---

Here she comes My heart swells She is so lovely Kiss me I wont tell So mature our love is easy In love true love for sure Come with me to the Garden of Eden A light cool breeze whispers, hearts pure Now joined as one As our sense touch True love beauty To be you and i means so much

Submitted on 2004-12-18 03:24:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

Mature love is something else, that I can see why you would reference the Garden of Eden where things were suppose to be so much better. My idea of what love is suppose to be and what the Garden coukd have been closely mirror one another. I liked that and this was really sweet m

| Posted on 2015-05-04 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

i wish it was longer. it is beautyfull. its simle and elagent. it reminded me the first time i though i was in "love ". well done

| Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by snufthepunk28 | [ Reply to This ]

i feel like the last line carries everything. like krysti... i admire the weight placed on the back of simplicity... i admire the way it didn't falter. i guess almost everyone wants a piece of paradise and share it with someone. good job.

| Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]

Some nice imagery used here, and I like how you used the Garden of Eden in the middle of it all to sort of reassure the reader of your feelings. However, I do believe that some punctuation is required in parts such as: So mature our love is easy In love true love for sure This part got me in particular because the reader goes through it relatively quickly but really I think it should be taken a lot slower, so I think maybe: So mature, our love is easy; In love, true love for sure. That was the only problem I had with this though, and I think you did a great job with your feelings. Nice work!

| Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]

You already know i liked this ;) ...But ill tell you again ...I liked the flow ...i liked its simplicity and the fact that its simplicity just added to the beauty of the poem ... Blessed Be Krysti

| Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

38274