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    dots Submission Name: .:Garden Of Eden:.dots

    Author: Timmy S. Edgar
    ASL Info:    38 male Melb, Australia
    Elite Ratio:    2.6 - 263/200/71
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 714
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 424

       Just a lil diddy expressing my heart felt feelings

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots.:Garden Of Eden:.dots

    Here she comes
    My heart swells
    She is so lovely
    Kiss me I wont tell

    So mature our love is easy
    In love true love for sure
    Come with me to the Garden of Eden
    A light cool breeze whispers, hearts pure

    Now joined as one
    As our sense touch
    True love beauty
    To be you and i means so much

    Submitted on 2004-12-18 03:24:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Mature love is something else, that I can see why you would reference the Garden of Eden where things were suppose to be so much better. My idea of what love is suppose to be and what the Garden coukd have been closely mirror one another. I liked that and this was really sweet m
    | Posted on 2015-05-04 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      i wish it was longer.
    it is beautyfull.
    its simle and elagent.
    it reminded me the first time i though i was in "love
    well done
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by snufthepunk28 | [ Reply to This ]
      i feel like the last line carries everything. like krysti... i admire the weight placed on the back of simplicity... i admire the way it didn't falter. i guess almost everyone wants a piece of paradise and share it with someone.

    good job.
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      Some nice imagery used here, and I like how you used the Garden of Eden in the middle of it all to sort of reassure the reader of your feelings. However, I do believe that some punctuation is required in parts such as:

    So mature our love is easy
    In love true love for sure

    This part got me in particular because the reader goes through it relatively quickly but really I think it should be taken a lot slower, so I think maybe:

    So mature, our love is easy;
    In love, true love for sure.

    That was the only problem I had with this though, and I think you did a great job with your feelings. Nice work!
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      You already know i liked this ;) ...But ill tell you again ...I liked the flow ...i liked its simplicity and the fact that its simplicity just added to the beauty of the poem ...

    Blessed Be
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]

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