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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Prelude to a Nightmaredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: zhi wei
    ASL Info:    17, Male, Malaysia.
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 171/203/53
    Words: 206
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1315
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1333



    Description:
       Sometimes we don't know what death is like, consequently we fail to treasure this life that is given to us... but perhaps we can feel what the road down to death is like? Anyway, this is yet another experiment with the style of the poem! So, as usual, anything will be appreciated - whether it's critique, thoughts, advice, opinions, etc.!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPrelude to a Nightmaredots
    -------------------------------------------


    O, to awake; but not be breathing;
    Yet, feel the air of the bitter winds blowing;
    Touch its texture, feathery, fleeting;
    Caught in the fearsome flight of its wings.

    O, to smell; but with scents taken away;
    Only whiffs of dull stones, lifeless and gray.
    For flowers are dead, though they bloomed yesterday.
    Replaced by the stench of dreary decay.

    O, to hear; but hear mere sounds of nothing;
    In a distance, perhaps, the winds whispering.
    They are but echoes, far flung and fading;
    The sinister silence, so silent and seething.

    O, to see; but in darkness, alone;
    Only sight of skulls, cold flesh and bare bones.
    Laid across a thousand tombstones;
    All carved with one name the one name, my own.

    O, to travel this road of death and despair;
    To taste the pithy prelude to Nightmare;
    How beautiful this life has seemed in compare.
    How beautiful this life, unaware and uncared.

    O, to awake; and be out of that door,
    An experience, only a fool would ignore.
    O Life, I beg, beseech and implore;
    Grant me the beauty of breath, once more.

    O, to awake; but not be breathing.
    And I shall breath
    once more.




    Submitted on 2004-12-18 07:36:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      You've done this reeally well! Sandburg said that the diction is a bit dated and I agree. But.. I know that sometimes I want to write something that seems old-fashioned. Cos it's very lyrical and fun to write. I think that not all poetry is born of moments of depressed epiphanies, you get emotional stuff from that all right, but when someone actually sits down and crafts something, and plays about with it, you'll get... smoother work.
    This is really smooth. It flows very well, and the rhyme is good... *quick scansion* it's not an even number of syllables per line, but you've created a scheme that works anyway.

    And it's very dark. Imagine waking up on the empty wastes of Nothing, how incredible this world would seem. When I'm grumbling about the rain or something trivial, I hope I remember this!
    I like how you used the senses to guide us through this piece and send its message home. I like this limbo-d, floaty feeling that is not at all nice, airless and echoing... The colour and vivacity of everyday life is heaven when set against it.

    Maybe this life is heaven? I dunno, lol...
    This was a good poem, I liked it and think you've done well :)
    Lea
    | Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      For flowers are dead, though they bloomed yesterday.
    Replaced by the stench of dreary decay.

    These two lines I honestly did enjoy out of most of this poem. Such a dimly grey poem, but I loved it entirely. I believe on your part this was an excellently done experiment, especially with the way each line in the seperate stanzas rhymed...that really caught my eye and gave the poem I suppose a little more structure.
    Many nightmares have I had where it feels as though you are not breathing, only then to wake up gasping for air and wondering if you truly were suffocating. Maybe I didn't read enough but I take this is just a writing describing a nightmare...or did you twist some more hidden meaning within the poem?
    This was a great one, I have to say you have a nice way with words and if you experiment like this all the time I suggest you continue doing so.

    -Geremy-
    | Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by Geremy Smith | [ Reply to This ]
      that is [censored] awsome! i love the dull yet so passionate touch to every line. you just have to love how it shows all things die and how quickly they do. you also show that alot of people fear or at least are expecting their own death.
    Laid across a thousand tombstones;
    All carved with one name the one name, my own
    Fav lines
    O, to hear; but hear mere sounds of nothing;
    In a distance, perhaps, the winds whispering.
    They are but echoes, far flung and fading;
    The sinister silence, so silent and seething.
    yet again great poem
    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by Di Re Rakord | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem really makes you think and appreciate life more. It does this by using descriptions of dreary things that we relate with death/path to death and in the end just meaning (each stanza) how wonderful the senses are and the ability to breathe and stay alive, so you don't have to be in the eternal '[prelude to the] nightmare.' Thanks for makeing me think, and appreciate the senses more.
    | Posted on 2004-12-19 00:00:00 | by unclear-fantasy | [ Reply to This ]
      amazing! i just loved reading this. i felt so sad, yet so happy at the same time. weird i know. everything changed for me when i had my daughter. gave me a new outlook on life and made me even more thankfull i get to wake everyday to her smiling face. but there are still those moments where i wonder what it would feel like to die, not even to die, but to be shot. don't know why but always wondered what that would feel like. well, i think you did a great job portraying this idea of life and death, i like it very much**
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again...I fall deeply in love with your style and your words...The repetition used in the begginning of the stanza is remarkable. I love the way you make the whole stanza flow after the "O,____"
    Incredible job. This is a style experiment?? Man, you're just a natural then. Yes, death is believed to be just how you've described here. My poem "dead unto thee" works kind of like yours but in a different sense. Your style and mine are similar and I love reading your poetry because I'm kinda arrogant at times and I'd choose the flowery old english stuff over many things. Forgive me! But you're great...very talented for your age and oh yeah, I love your icon! This is going in my favorites.
    -------wandering
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by wanderingpoet16 | [ Reply to This ]
      Cows are grazing in the pasture.
    Wow. Ok. I didn't expect you'd have more than one masterpiece within this site. :overwhelmed:
    You have this way of bravely delving into such seething topics and conquering emotions so stealthily, so graciously. I would love to know more of your philosophies. With this dark piece, you've switched on a many lights for me.

    O, to see; but in darkness, alone;

    I feel old living in this world...I have not been in a single battlefield, nor truly had my heart broken, but the things that present themselves each day wears out my heart. O, to breathe, a cup of the breath of life...

    Suven
    | Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      I've had these dreams where I'm not breathing, then wake up breathless, but I'm not sure you are writing about an actual nightmare, but rather using this as a metaphor for living your life in a stifled way. The diction is a bit dated, but the rhyme and rhythem are good. Nice work,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]


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