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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Another Pilldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 677
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 487



    Description:
       I am such a pill head, it's not fair and I hate that I that I keep on doing it.It helps but I am losing the high and thats really gay.I can't get to that peak anymore.


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    dotsAnother Pilldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Another pill, do I think this is cool?
    against my will
    I am another typical stranger
    but once it's put before me, this pink piece of take me away
    I have little self control and so much pain
    another pill
    its really not as it seems
    I never take to much
    but I find myself in this place again
    it's not an addiction
    just something I always give in to
    maybe I take these pills
    to get closer to you




    Submitted on 2004-12-18 13:02:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Sounds very true to life regarding what someone in this situation would be thinking of. I'm sorry to hear of this burden you have, you do a good job of expressing the sordid grief/desire.
    | Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by gavinspikenard | [ Reply to This ]
      
    sometimes the ryhme seemed forced and unessesary. you write really well without any ryhme at all and the obvious givens that go along with rhyming the word pill kind of cheapen what is really a pretty heavy piece here. The whole idea of being seduced by pills and the way they kind of seem insignificant and not really habit forming, probably because of their size and delay in effect was conveyed well here.

    Overall I'd say nice content and great imagery in here but a revision would suit this piece well to clear up some of the forced rhyme issues.


    hope this input helps.

    peace,
    kam
    | Posted on 2004-12-19 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      Um.. Pills. Why do people referr to pills. They make you think of something that your not. It may feel good to be on them, but really your hurting yyourself. Maybe if you try to stop, not saying its gonna be easy. Try doing something that makes you happy. I mean get involved, try not to think of the thing your thinking of, that is making you depressed. You might not think your depressed, but you seem it. Why else would you referr to pills. I mean pills can kill you. Unless your one of those people who think its cool. But i think you have a problem that a lot of people do have. So your not alone. You should talk to someone. Or try really hard not to take the pills. FLLUSH THEM dOwN THE TOILET>
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      well everyone's had some kind of addiction in their lifetime, right? well most have. why are we all so critical of others? let's be honest.
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by MMISS | [ Reply to This ]
      what the hell does "that's really gay" mean in your description?!

    i'm curious to know what pill this is? if you have little self control, as you say, i think that it IS an addiction. if you are starting to lose "the high," that is a sure sign of addiction, as you are building a tolerance to these pills. i didn't really understand the last line and who this "you" is. are you taking these pills because someone else does it and you want to be close to them? i'm curious to know more.
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      You gave it an unusual connection at the end. You build up that you are slave to his little pill, that you are unable to help what you are doing even though you want to, and then you connect it to a person, some random relationship. Is it a friend or a crush? You leave it open which is fine and the connection is actually pretty good - a slave to the person now, they are your addiction. But I still think that it was missing something. The strongest part about this was the other person so you should have established that addiction a little more. Maybe compare the relationship to the pill? It's up to you.
    Pills are not a good thing to be dependant on, and judging by the material you already know this. You made it the focus which is what I think took away from the piece. Try it again.
    And fight the urge.
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by luckypenny | [ Reply to This ]
      ok what pill and if you know it's wrong then get help so you can stop. People who are addicted are in denial so are you really not able to stop. anyhow I've learned from my days that all pills are bad.SO stop it. as for the poem I didn't really feel any of it. It was almost a force write if you know what I mean..
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by mandy dupuis | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, honey, you lost me. Who? What? Why? What's with the pill? What are you talking about? Some of it makes sense, but the rest of it is so vague that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth...so to speak. Too short and too grey for my liking. Not putting it down, just being honest.
    | Posted on 2004-12-18 00:00:00 | by TigerzLady2 | [ Reply to This ]


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