Description: This is the wrap up of Second View Romance V.1 Basically the ending story you could call it. Feedback is highly welcomed....
Second View Romance V.2 -------------------------------------------
Don't you know that
In my eyes it's all I see; you
Want to grab it
To claim it in my heart and never let go
Many nights locked up
In a room so very still
Where no one else can feel
--(not a soul can steal)
What I've always yearned inside
Radio switched and song screaming:
--"I thought what we had was true"
Who would have known you were a killer?
Your teeth gnashed apart my heart
So you'll never know
--Never know what you did
to me
Every word shot through my heart
Sunshine slipping through the window
Lets me know I'm still alive
A pain that breaks my heart
Reminding of how I'm not okay
For the action of loving
I embrace its consequence
--With a scissor patterned heart
The hardets thing
Knowing I'll never see the dawn of day
With you in my arms
What did I do to deserve this?
I thought I'd handle it
Broken glass love; and hands of empty
Because these days it's not okay
--Ask myself
"Why did I ever let you inside my chest?"
Something so good turned so wrong
Shades drawn closed
With dried eyelids sewn
You ripped my heart out
Ignored my pain show
But I'm no good at suicide
Let me eat your heart out
Make you feel like me
--Let me kill you
I want to kill you
Personally I loved this part the best. Talking about lost love stating your an antique on the shelf gathering dust is brillance. Though I have to be honest with you I think this is nowhere near as strong as the other piece...you have alot alot of repition in it I feel like you need to skim some of the fat off. See if you can cut out some of the reptitions of the word "heart" I think this piece is one of those cases of less is more. I believe you have a strong starting point here. See maybe instead of saying "heart" so much if you cant rewrite lines and include metaphors to represent the heart like i
"Who would have known you were a killer? with Your gnashing teeth Oh howyou'll never know -Never know what you did to me Every word broke through my sternum piercing my vitals as they went."
Submission Name: Second View Romance V.2
