i know i already commented on this one, but i thought after reading your revised one that i should say something on this one again. i think i actually like this one better. your thoughts seem much more concentrated and it just sounded better in general, the flow was there. so yeah maybe simpler is better?
Who cares about the proper rhythm and the correct flow when one can get a complete image of a feeling that is not that oftenly felt or lets put it that way that when you actually feel like that,you are debating whether to express it or not, let it depress you or not...We've been given 5 senses and when it comes to writing, its very easy to use your sense of sight and then writing somethng and make people see the picture that you saw, but when you use any other sense and then make someone actually SEE that in their minds then its rated as exceptional! keep it up zuheir! i like it.. rUpAnShI.
wow this really struck a chord for me, cause dont i ever feel this way. except for one thing- no one ever told me i was a genius or that i was blessed. i have felt lost countless times and forever second best. especially when you have my two very smart, insanely pretty, too good for their own health sisters to live up to. all i keep hearing is why dont you use your head, and i keep replying its just another mistake. but whatever people will make you feel that way, you just got to keep going, believing you will prove them all wrong one day. this would make a fantastic song -steph
Have you ever heard of Liz Phair? Cool girl she is - and [censored] good artist as well. Concern only her first three albums - the rest is pretty commercial. Why telling you? Cause it sounds like her stuff! :) And it's really fine - cause she does that kind of strange, mysterious Indie stuff, and the secret is hidden somewhere in the construction of the song.
Exactly like here - you put the chorus part quickly, it's pretty short, with a repetition, and sounds so [censored] well. Very well done.
As for a song you should certainly listen to - if you can't believe me - it'd be "Johny Sunshine".
I liked this. Omigod, I really did. I am serious, I just wish that I could have heard the song in person or you know what I mean. I thought the lyrics were AMAZING! Seriously beyond amazing. I am going to be checking out your pages as much as I can!
Glad to see that your writings are getting more and more comments
I really liked this piece a lot. I like the jack of all trades idea. Like the saying says, "Jack of all trades, yet master of none" Hence, being second best. As far as suggestions go, I would say to maybe get set a one rhyme scheme (might make it easier when coming up with music for the song) and maybe clarify these lines:
there she is the girl i like all dressed up nowhere to go she won't even look at me for her I'm a [censored] no show.
Something about the content or something. Maybe something like this:
there she is the girl i love (I would definately omit the word "like" and maybe put in "love" (sounds more grown up-ish)). all dressed up nowhere to go I was going to take her for a ride Till someone else took her down the road
I dunno. Something along those lines. Try to stick with the "second best" idear. Good stuff though! ~Musing
I like this lyric for its simplicity, that's the key to having it remembered. Yes, genius is a daredevil in flight, trying everything it tastes and seldom do we master all the things we try. But who cares, experience gives us a taste of life few people dare to venture as much as we do. But the ladies, you know, they won't wait, I am mysteriously married to the muse, myself. Good news, you're not second best as far as I can tell. What does she really know? Thanks for sharing, nansofast
This reminds me of a BNL song...in punk/rock mode. I like the idea behind here because I know I've felt that way a lot just entering high-school and being the young one without the knowledge.....
I like the idea in here you have about the girl, but it just didnt fit your description....and if it did its a very vague concept that I'd put immediately in the bakc of my head... Maybe chaning it to show you couldnt give as much as hre other lover or something similar.
hey this is ur new post right? ive been on here for ages and i still dunno where all the new posts r.. neways u hav some gd lyrics here. i dnt think the swearing was necessary but yer its ur song! :p hehe i like ur chorus. *i wonder wat kind tune goes along to this.* i've never felt second best... jst the loser
love anoutia ¤~*~xXx~*~¤ p.s i gonna send u a PM ;)