bravo! i decided to check this out as well and i'm just a little awe struck lol. the whole time i was reading i'm like "where is this going?" and then the end. perfection. like seeing the end to a good movie ya know? kick ass.
I decided to look into some of your poetry and of course picked this one to read over first. I have to say, that right at the end of the poem it just grabbed me, my chest sort of lurched as the entire poem came into reality and meaning. When I first started to read the poem it was all vague and hazy as to what you were truly writing about. Then after reading this:
But there was no fire there were no trees and most of all there was never anything between them
“I wish she would open her eyes”
...that is what really caught me. I am assuming that this writing is of a woman and man that obviously have nothing subtsantial between them at all. I am gathering it by the very last stanza and line. This was very clever, or so I thought...and I honestly enjoyed it. Great writing, definitely had a most applauding way with this one.
well.. i think its about this woman who fancies herself in love with this man.. but the man doesnt see ne thing between them he jus sees her as a pest something he cant get rid of.. its cruel but well its life
My very first impression on the first stanza was that she was speaking of fall colors, autumn in the Adirondacks perhaps. Even though you go on to say there is no fire in his eyes, that doesn't dispel that concept completely. When she wants to sit and watch I get the idea that this is more active burning than metaphor. You mention silence as they burn. Fires are noisy. They could be silent as the trees burn, just a thought there. I like how the tale unfolds and the revelation comes to the reader. One question, why the quotation marks for the last line? You hadn't used them through the rest of the poem. They aren't right or wrong, I just wondered if I was missing some significance. Pretty interesting write, Dave
I'd love to give you some type of critique other than this is great, but I can't. I love the contrast between the two and the way you described her passion and his lack thereof. It is a sad piece but very well written.
There is nothing I can say, no advice I can give to you for the betterment of this piece. It is simply wonderful.
The fire representing the passion in her very being. The all consuming beauty of feeling in love. He wants her to open her eyes, see the truth, his fire has not yet been started. There aren't even any matches in sight. The conflicting messages you conveyed between the two of them were very well done. She is screaming out without restraint the powerful emotions she feels. He is emotionless as he speaks a simple line. "I wish she would open her eyes”
I admire the way you write what comes out; I hope you keep doing just that, and don't bother apologizing for it. I enjoyed this piece, as it seems directly translated from heart to page. I think I can understand that its impossible to share the joys or pains of another's hallucination. How long will he wait for her to open her eyes? Or has he left already, leaving her to the fires in her mind? I like the way the piece leaves some questions unanswered... Thought-provoking read; thanks for posting it.
burning trees eh? i couldnt put my finger on the meaning of the burning trees, i do get that the guy feels nothing for the girl and shes all gaga over him, tho theres nothing to their relationship, *sigh* reminds me of my last relationship. i liked it.
Hey John you do have a creative mind...or are visited by a unique sort of muse. I liked how this came across...it's like a Classic fairytale for grown-ups and I loved it. My fav parts are the "But there....." bits. They just slide in, making for a perfect fit. The imagery is superb, making this a vibrant and memorable piece. I liked how close they were physically but that your ending closed her out completely, they are worlds apart. Beautiful sad. A rich poem to read and experience. Daniel
i got from this wonderful write...did i mention i love this write...to me it seems the girlis in love with someone who she thinks is wonderful but really isn't but shes to blind to see ...but the other guy sees and he wishes that she would...maybe the guy is a brother or a best freind to the girl and he doesn't want to see her hurt agian...or maybe hes a freind and has feelings for her and wishes she would notice what they could have but instead shes to wrapped up in what she thinks love is what she thinks she wants...but i love the tree image...and that last line...it leaves the thought the feeling open...beautiful job !...ange
wow! this freaked me out! like seriously... i think i remember reading this once before at like 4am when i didnt have a brain and i promised i would come back to it and never have until now but man... i dont remember it being like this last time i read it... there was nothing there... she was just making it all up... man... the poor girl i really love the way you wrote this... the her stanza's are a whole lot bigger than the his stanza (or line...) coz its so the way it is... girls with their trillions of words for a boys single liner... anyways yeah... brilliant write boy! very sad but very brilliant
Whoa well that was weird. I love weird. Normal things aren't creative and make me sad. Anyway hi I thought this was way cool. I believe you commented on one of my poems (think...) and I wasl ike, "Lets see these kind peoples work..." I thought this was like....freaky and I too couldn't quit grasp the meaning of it though it is floating somewhere in my minfd.
Oh John...so sad and heartbreaking...reminds me of my life not so long ago...Thank God for not living like that anymore...I can breathe ;) This is a steady pace to the blurred void of a heart not in connection with the others...pure John...very pure!
wait hold,,, now aplausse i enjoyed ur writeing i hope u conttinue to write mroe liek it, i hope to read more , and im sure i will, ill tty sum other time im gunna check up on u a few tiemas later on good job and great write ttyl