Description: ok so this piece was put together by those who took part in my Experiment. So let me thank The Theologian glassgo Sandburg maquiladora, and lyteral_lou. I managed to use almost everything you guys contributed and I am so happy you took part and humored me! the first 2 and the last 2 stanzas I wrote with minor tweaking to the excellent stuff they gave me to work with. Kudos to you my friends I hope you enjoy our collaberation, feel free to rip me a new one if you think it sucks
For being a submission started with an experiment, it is a wonderful piece of work. I love the imagery in it and can relate to it at times. I'm definitely watching for more writes from you. You've got a talent there. Keep using it.
Sounds like you had fun putting this together and for the most part it was compelling reading. I liked the metaphors you used very much. I felt like it maybe get a bit repetitive towards the 3/4 mark....just seemed to lose a bit of momentum, but the ending was classic and I enjoyed the style this was written in very much. Cheers Daniel
what a great write** i not only love the stucture, but that fact that i have many nights like this. just can't sleep for the life of me and yeah, you get it. but anyway, this was just so damn amazing. i will be reading more of your work now*** keep it up
[censored] brilliant my man. It's not so much the insomnia or the coffe or the cigarettes alone that are the focus is it? seems like that just underlines the statement of writing, err "the nightmare", like those little demons we all tuck under our bed/in our closet they're still there no matter how much we bleed on paper, or how long we stay in avoidence. either way i'd be interested to hear what the "experiment" is exactly. later
[censored]ing nice! Love the metaphors mixing in with reality here. So cool to think of your words as soaking up the caffeine. You describe well the feeling that most of us experience when the words keep us up at night. Might be best for you to lay off the caffeine at that hour though LOL.
You build nicely throughout to a great close. I like the relative lack of puncuation and the semi-sloppy look of the piece, as if to mirror your disheveled emotions. Strong piece here my friend.
but the nightmares are always there... man i hate that! i like hardly ever sleep and so as i read this i could see myself in it writing frantically (though having said that there is always a point where one is so tired they are even beyond writing) i prolly missed something with the whole conglomeratory effect so i shall say congrats to all of those who took part in this effort. this is a very taunting middle of the night poem... good stuff!