Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Caffeine Inkdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 677
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1433



    Description:
       ok so this piece was put together by those who took part in my Experiment. So let me thank The Theologian glassgo Sandburg maquiladora, and lyteral_lou. I managed to use almost everything you guys contributed and I am so happy you took part and humored me! the first 2 and the last 2 stanzas I wrote with minor tweaking to the excellent stuff they gave me to work with. Kudos to you my friends I hope you enjoy our collaberation, feel free to rip me a new one if you think it sucks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCaffeine Inkdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Getting harder
    To let myself sleep
    So damn tired -
    Nightmares
    I canít shake

    Iíll smoke another Cigarette
    Make another pot of coffee.
    So I can bleed
    The demons onto paper

    The words keep me company
    as they soak up the caffeine
    and I color the structure
    through half open, reddened eyes



    Thoughts keep churning
    inside this head
    drips of me
    on this paper I've bled

    But my hands shake as I write;
    squeeze the tears from my eyes.
    and as I look out the window,
    I can see the crumbling lies

    Bits and pieces
    present to past
    torment my head
    won't let me crash.

    Though I can't stop until they go
    canít die until they're slain
    this thing that haunts my life
    So many words of the immortal soul
    Captured on paper
    Soon kindling for the fire

    Yet now another night
    meets the death of new day
    bloodshot eyes bleed
    the demons

    Caffeine tears
    my ink of choice
    for countless words
    of sleepless nights

    Just enough
    for one more pot of coffee
    I may be out of cigarettes
    But the nightmares are always there




    Submitted on 2004-12-20 15:45:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      For being a submission started with an experiment, it is a wonderful piece of work. I love the imagery in it and can relate to it at times. I'm definitely watching for more writes from you. You've got a talent there. Keep using it.
    | Posted on 2004-12-24 00:00:00 | by Dreams of Angels | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like you had fun putting this together and for the most part it was compelling reading. I liked the metaphors you used very much. I felt like it maybe get a bit repetitive towards the 3/4 mark....just seemed to lose a bit of momentum, but the ending was classic and I enjoyed the style this was written in very much. Cheers Daniel
    | Posted on 2004-12-24 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      i think that it came together well. it was a good collaberation. i'm glad that i could contribute to it. good work piecing it all together. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
      But my hands shake as I write;
    squeeze the tears from my eyes.
    and as I look out the window,
    I can see the crumbling lies

    Bits and pieces
    present to past
    torment my head
    won't let me crash.

    These 2 stanzas were definately a great build up of suppense. Which of course, for me anyways led to *this* conclusion:

    Though I can't stop until they go
    canít die until they're slain
    this thing that haunts my life
    So many words of the immortal soul
    Captured on paper
    Soon kindling for the fire

    I realize it wasn't the end of the piece but for me it was.

    Anyways,
    take care,
    Rob
    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by Me Rambling | [ Reply to This ]
      what a great write** i not only love the stucture, but that fact that i have many nights like this. just can't sleep for the life of me and yeah, you get it. but anyway, this was just so damn amazing. i will be reading more of your work now*** keep it up
    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      [censored] brilliant my man. It's not so much the insomnia or the coffe or the cigarettes alone that are the focus is it? seems like that just underlines the statement of writing, err "the nightmare", like those little demons we all tuck under our bed/in our closet they're still there no matter how much we bleed on paper, or how long we stay in avoidence. either way i'd be interested to hear what the "experiment" is exactly. later

    Skilless
    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      This was great! It's cool to read something that maybe the person isnt crazy, but having little sleep will make anyone a lil coo coo.
    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by closebutremote | [ Reply to This ]
      can definately relate i like the desperate need of sleep but not letting urself have it by staying awake from coffe and smoking.
    | Posted on 2004-12-20 00:00:00 | by broken_dreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      [censored]ing nice! Love the metaphors mixing in with reality here. So cool to think of your words as soaking up the caffeine. You describe well the feeling that most of us experience when the words keep us up at night. Might be best for you to lay off the caffeine at that hour though LOL.

    You build nicely throughout to a great close. I like the relative lack of puncuation and the semi-sloppy look of the piece, as if to mirror your disheveled emotions. Strong piece here my friend.
    | Posted on 2004-12-31 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      but the nightmares are always there... man i hate that! i like hardly ever sleep and so as i read this i could see myself in it writing frantically (though having said that there is always a point where one is so tired they are even beyond writing)
    i prolly missed something with the whole conglomeratory effect so i shall say congrats to all of those who took part in this effort. this is a very taunting middle of the night poem... good stuff!
    | Posted on 2005-01-03 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    38664

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love written by saartha
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    AI written by poetotoe
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Push written by JanePlane
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Every..... written by jackz
    Cover written by saartha
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry