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    dots Submission Name: On Raven Wingsdots

    Author: EternitysLyre
    ASL Info:    20/M/Taiwan.
    Elite Ratio:    7.13 - 152/170/42
    Words: 232
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1557
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 1732

       We leap--and fall--and leap again. But we never, never soar.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOn Raven Wingsdots

    On raven wings we fly each night
    In search of brighter days
    For lighter things we rise to flight
    On nighttide's tranquil plays

    The night set in
    Clouds blanketing the horizon
    Drifting, stealing
    (-gliding away-)

    His shadow waltzed
    Across the asphalt, a silver lining
    All its own
    Twirling, leaping with the beat

    (No music, just
    The Lion King in his head)

    And it was 1999 all over again
    The moon peeked in
    From the gaps

    Of his wooden fortress

    (The playground all his own)

    And the winds tickled his ears
    With the secrets of the universe
    (But he couldn't tell anyone, 'cause he promised them
    --And pinky promises couldn't be broken)

    While the night crept in
    Gliding, screeching--
    --'cause the sky was falling down (again.)

    And he thought it was a dream
    That he was going to wake up soon
    That it wasn't really happening

    ...and we'd all thought that too,

    (On raven wings we fly each night
    In search of brighter days

    (Horizons teasing ever-so
    In tantalizing rays
    And if the stars could tell us no
    Our wishes far away

    (We'd seek our swansong's score although
    Tomorrow comes today--)

    For lighter things we rise to flight

    Our feathers wind-torn grays.

    Submitted on 2004-12-21 10:48:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow i realy loved this poem , you are an amazing writer keep it up . I'm adding this one to my faves as well i dont usually do that in the same night for the same person lol. Great job keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-04-24 00:00:00 | by xPoetxBoyx | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this piece.

    First of all, the description you gave to explain what it meant ... as well as the title was alluring. It definitely made me read the whole thing.

    Second, the concept was portrayed beautifully. The desciptions ... the imagery ... I thought came across effectively.

    My only complaint? ... the flow was kind of off. I'm not sure if it was just the way I was reading it, but some of it flowed really well and then other times I had to stop and re-read what I just read ... which puts a damper on my comprehension ... in my opinion.

    Besides that I think it was an excellent write!

    | Posted on 2004-12-21 00:00:00 | by StillimCold | [ Reply to This ]
      For a poem that no one has commented on (or at least when I started to write this) this is a great piece of writing, and I really enjoyed it, and the title instantly attracted me. The relation to swans was good because they are known for their elegance and ravens for other things. The fact that its Raven gives this a rather dark feel to it, and seeing as their is nothing about suicide, this was pleasant to read.

    However, I don't see why the whole thing has to be in intalics and Lion King be normal. Shouldn't it be the other way round? As it stands, I think reading this is a little harsh on the eyes because it slants and so think the other way round would be better. Also, you use an odd structure throughout, so I think a little more organisation (only of the format) could do some good, because right now, it looks like random thoughts.

    Despite all I have said, this write made me think a lot more than most writes, and the title, as I said, was brilliant. I think you have done a great job with the words of this piece, and so I think that calls for a favourites addition. Brilliant write!
    | Posted on 2004-12-21 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Usualy I would be very lost by this poem, but dont worry, its not hard to loose me, but I think you had just the right mix of words for me, so I could understand. I realy liked it, and I'm sorry, but I dont have a lot to say to help you make it better. To tell you the truth, I dont think it can be made better.
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by TDALBH | [ Reply to This ]

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