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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Time And Againdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: the apocrypha
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 185/192/48
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1047
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 464



    Description:
       Hadn't written anything in months, so I might ahve lost the touch abit...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTime And Againdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Like painted, solid
    And concrete walls
    It is time and over endless lands
    The thickest darkness falls
    And He, observing with a hungry eye
    Knowing that all the morrows are but one today
    He, the only One to despise
    The load of these years that wonít go away

    For a lifetime spent
    Waiting for something different
    Iíll drown myself in sorrow
    Because I see no future in tomorrow




    Submitted on 2004-12-22 05:23:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem very well...

    "Like painted, solid
    And concrete walls"

    I think it might be better to use something like piled instead of solid. Solid and concrete together are repetitive IMHO.


    "It is time and over endless lands
    The thickest darkness falls"

    Oooooo... I love the thinkest darkness bit. It gives a feeling of oil clad darkness that is so very onimous... Cool.


    "And He, observing with a hungry eye
    Knowing that all the morrows are but one today
    He, the only One to despise
    The load of these years that wonít go away"

    He carrys a very heavy burden it sounds like, and if this is your intenet, it is beautifully written.



    "For a lifetime spent
    Waiting for something different
    Iíll drown myself in sorrow
    Because I see no future in tomorrow"

    Is the man going to drink it all away?

    This is a very interesting poem. I picutre a man in a castle with dark skys and fast moving clouds over a desolate landscape, old, alone, angry, regretful.

    I liked this peice. Good job and no, you have not lost your touch...

    Indigo
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with Bruno...the piece was great except for one thing - I didn't get it. I got the picture of a man in africa on a hunt and all the while he doesn't know that something else is hunting him. Okay, so maybe i'm a little off. What do you think. The last line really got me. It kind of sums up everything if everything made sense to me. This has something to do with losing or death - or both?
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by calling eve | [ Reply to This ]
      Haven t lost the touch at all. This is very, metaphormic (is this a word? If not, you know what I mean) simply because literaly this makes no sence what so ever. I really liked the darkness of this poem, and of the references to what appears to be the devil. Good write.. I'll be reading a couple more times to try and make full sence of it. Write on..

    Bruno
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]


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