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    dots Submission Name: Blindeddots

    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 757
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 962

       A work in progress. Is this a poem, or the beginnings of a song?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Why is it wrong, to love a song, and never think of the composer?
    How is it right, to see the light, and never realize the proposer?
    Can I be complete, and never compete, for one who is destined to move me?
    Or do I resolve, to never evolve, the love and passion bestowed thee?

    For I am the soul, the poor tortured, soul one bereft of her presence;
    I must realize, the obsession in me lies, to see there is no pretence;
    The reward is just, to recieve her lust, renders my existance filling;
    Initiate the scheme, instigate the dream, her treasures are so thrilling:

    Unfathomable as it seems, to indulge my dreams, of one who is so commsumate
    Indulgence of her touch, surrender to her such, to be my deliberate abdicate
    The depth of my desire, shall soon transpire, that which I have needed
    Render me complete, perchance to un-seat, the emptiness misheeded

    Submitted on 2004-12-22 09:55:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      different, but being both a musician and poet, i'd deffinately have to say this is more poem, if anything of musical it probably by soft composre of classic guitar with a slight piano melody to it, or one or the other, or so it seems to me. however fair write. i like the meaning behind it
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      Lots of internal rhyme; it's actually a little annoying and sing-songy (no, I don't mean that it is the beginning of a song rather than a poem.) I like a lot of the thoughts, especially the first line. My pet peeve is rhyme that warps the meaning of the lines, and I think that is going on here, mostly with the end of line rhyme. I think this poem/song (I can't answer what it is) needs less structure and more feeling.
    | Posted on 2004-12-24 00:00:00 | by dreamexandra | [ Reply to This ]

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