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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To Be Myselfdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eener
    ASL Info:    21/f/wi
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 351/370/53
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 1066
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 870



    Description:
       I was going to put this as a simple journal entry, but I liked it too much.
    My very first rappish piece. Please tell me what you think of it.
    Not bad for a white chick, huh?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Be Myselfdots
    -------------------------------------------


    They say I'm a sweetie,
    So pretty and carefree.
    I make em all so happy,
    And treat them all sweetly.
    But don't you see?
    I'm just being me.
    And apparently,
    That's all I have to be.

    Learn from my style.
    Don't forget to smile
    As you travel every mile
    Between each happy isle
    In this world so idle.
    It'll all be worthwhile
    Cuz in the end, you'll reconcile
    With all the souls in this pile.

    So you are bound
    To see me around
    This sanctuary we've found;
    This poetic underground,
    To amaze and astound
    Be utterly profound.
    Be whatever I want
    To tease or to taunt
    Not trying to flaunt
    Hoping my words will haunt

    All the way to the end.




    Submitted on 2004-12-22 12:17:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Perky and upbeat. Things I'd like to learn and understand. I was reading dark passages earlier today, and I felt I needed something more positive. This was it.

    I like the rhyme, but to me, rhyme works better when meter and stanza are "in sync" with it. The uneven stanzas were a bit distracting. But the whole thing made me feel better, so it worked really well. The speaker in the poem sounds like someone I'd like to meet.
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by bent | [ Reply to This ]
      That was cute. *smiles*
    You must be proud of being a cheerful spirit. Happiness is a good thing to spread - better than other things, that is - and happiness is a good thing to keep.
    I like the carried rhyme you kept in each stanza. The word choice, too, was sweet. And you endedit just fine.
    It was warm. Perfect for a day like this.
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by luckypenny | [ Reply to This ]
      Very cute. You're right, it's not bad for a white chick It's a wonderful way to be. I see a little of myself in here as well. People talk about how sweet I am, and I try to tell them I'm not really that sweet, but that's what they see and I am, after all, just being me. So I guess I am sweet! I really liked this. It made me smile. And I could picture you doing a little 'rap' dance all the while.
    | Posted on 2004-12-31 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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