[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: To Be Myselfdots

    Author: eener
    ASL Info:    21/f/wi
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 351/370/53
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 1088
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 870

       I was going to put this as a simple journal entry, but I liked it too much.
    My very first rappish piece. Please tell me what you think of it.
    Not bad for a white chick, huh?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Be Myselfdots

    They say I'm a sweetie,
    So pretty and carefree.
    I make em all so happy,
    And treat them all sweetly.
    But don't you see?
    I'm just being me.
    And apparently,
    That's all I have to be.

    Learn from my style.
    Don't forget to smile
    As you travel every mile
    Between each happy isle
    In this world so idle.
    It'll all be worthwhile
    Cuz in the end, you'll reconcile
    With all the souls in this pile.

    So you are bound
    To see me around
    This sanctuary we've found;
    This poetic underground,
    To amaze and astound
    Be utterly profound.
    Be whatever I want
    To tease or to taunt
    Not trying to flaunt
    Hoping my words will haunt

    All the way to the end.

    Submitted on 2004-12-22 12:17:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Perky and upbeat. Things I'd like to learn and understand. I was reading dark passages earlier today, and I felt I needed something more positive. This was it.

    I like the rhyme, but to me, rhyme works better when meter and stanza are "in sync" with it. The uneven stanzas were a bit distracting. But the whole thing made me feel better, so it worked really well. The speaker in the poem sounds like someone I'd like to meet.
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by bent | [ Reply to This ]
      That was cute. *smiles*
    You must be proud of being a cheerful spirit. Happiness is a good thing to spread - better than other things, that is - and happiness is a good thing to keep.
    I like the carried rhyme you kept in each stanza. The word choice, too, was sweet. And you endedit just fine.
    It was warm. Perfect for a day like this.
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by luckypenny | [ Reply to This ]
      Very cute. You're right, it's not bad for a white chick It's a wonderful way to be. I see a little of myself in here as well. People talk about how sweet I am, and I try to tell them I'm not really that sweet, but that's what they see and I am, after all, just being me. So I guess I am sweet! I really liked this. It made me smile. And I could picture you doing a little 'rap' dance all the while.
    | Posted on 2004-12-31 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    The Promise written by annie0888
    To written by SavedDragon
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Incubus written by monad
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Giving written by jjd
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]