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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Escaping The Time of Willdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raksha
    ASL Info:    16/female
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 75/67/29
    Words: 215
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 310
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1353



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEscaping The Time of Willdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You see her sitting there.
    Contemplating,
    wondering by herself.
    She feels a brush against her shoulders.
    She closes her eyes and wishes for the end.
    Cursing in whispers,
    escaping within the hours of time.
    She then starts to run along a path,
    of fog eloping her surroundings.
    Blurrying her vision and trapping her thoughts.
    There is not one single soul to cry for help to.
    Not one breathing creature,it is cold and desolate.
    She feels a pain,
    a sharp pain in her stomach.
    Thinking she is of what it could be.
    AH-It is my fear that has creeped upon me-she says unsurely.
    Convincing herself it could be worse and better if she could only see.
    To see what she could never see,
    and to stop viewing what she always sees.
    Then she came to a stop.
    Blustering wind shooting at her,
    and she feels what real pain she felt before.
    A feeling of loneliness she now knows the feeling all to well.
    Emptiness,she feels the void.
    Just plain lonely she is inside.
    With nothing more to live for
    and nothing to look forward to.
    Just a muster of a blurry vision of her own timely death,
    and the last look of the crack of dawn.
    Has she says goodbye to this world of yours.




    Submitted on 2004-12-22 21:31:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this piece, its very intense and i had to re-read it to make sure i got it all theres a couple of parts that you lost me at closer to the end. You had me hooked for the first half or so and them lost me at them parts but over all i liked it and i can relate. Good job on this but i would consider looking at the last half and maybe making a few changes. Just making a suggestion. I would love to hear more from you, Riot
    | Posted on 2004-12-25 00:00:00 | by Riot Madden | [ Reply to This ]
      The poem shows alot of emotion but it lacks structure. It shows me how you feel but it doesn't quite make me feel you or "she", you have me in the beginning but somehow you lose me in the end
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by BlondieLKC | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is really intense. I got lost a few times becuase of the spelling errors and the flow could have been a little bit better. I noticed you had a few run-on sentences. Just seperate your ideas a little bit better.
    Juan G.
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by johnny boy | [ Reply to This ]



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